Part Fifteen: Where There's A Problem, There's A Plan:
Sam has no choice but to helplessly follow Brendan to Sasha's house. Brendan now holds a spike ball attached to a chain, in his hand, with war paint on his face. "Brendan, you need to chill out" Sam states, following him up Sasha's lawn.
"I gotta do what I gotta do, Sammy." Brendan stops walking and turns to him.
"Now here. Put this on." He hands him a war paint palette.
"What's this?"
"War paint."
"We TOTALLY said it better than that other couple."
"Agreed. Now put it on."
"But I don't-"
"Hello?" Sasha asks, staring at them as she now stands on her porch. They turn around.
"The enemy!" Brendan cries, sticking his spike ball up in the air.
"What?!" Sasha asks, sweating frantically.
"How dare you do that to Sammy! Sending him a hotline to tell him to kill himself. You know what Sasha? Maybe YOU should go kill YOUR-self! What do you think about that?!" Brendan yells. "Brendan!" Sam screams.
"What hotline?" Sasha asks shyly, shaking.
"The kill yourself hotline! You gave me their number" Sam explains.
"I gave you MY number. You must've dialed it wrong...There's a kill yourself hotline?"
"Oh. And yes. I suggest you call it" Brendan tells her. Sam glares at him.
"Uhhh...SO sorry for the complications, Sasha..." Sam tells her, grabbing Brendan's wrist. "Okay Brendan let's go."
"Wait! If you'll let me I can give you my real number so we can text-"
"Honey he's gay" Brendan interrupts harshly.
"For the LAST time, Brendan, I'm BI!" Sam screams to him in anger.
"Here." Sasha walks over to Sam, aggressively writing her phone number down on his hand again. "AAAHHH....!"
After she's done, he looks at his palm. "Oh. I see. That's a two. Not a five." He realizes.
"How do you confuse those two numbers?" Sasha asks him.
"No offense, but your hand writing ISN'T the best. It's actually quite shitty." Sam tells her.
Sasha gawks.
"We should leave, shouldn't we?" Brendan asks her.
They go to the Weavers, Dean asking Brendan "Why the hell is there a bunch of war paint on your face?"
"I have a spike ball in my hand, and that's what you're asking me?" Brendan asks back, setting the weapon down on the counter.
"Y'all are into some kinky sex" Brandey, who's standing next to Dean, comments.
"Please. That's nothing. You should've seen us the other night-"
"Alright! We're not into kinky sex. Brendan tried to kill a girl who gave me a number to a kill yourself hotline." Sam tells them.
"You mean a suicide hotline? Don't blame her. Your Dad IS an asshole" Brandey says.
"No. Never mind. But turns out it was all an accident and she meant to give me her actual number. She still gave it to me, anyway" Sam finishes.
"Did you tell her you're gay?" Brandey asks.
"I'M BI!!"
"Maybe we can call her and set her up with Castiel" Dean suggests.
"Didn't he and Lindsay flick beans last night?" Sam asks. "Castiel flicked Lindsay's bean? Oh dear" Brendan chimes in.
"Yeah, but she'll be bound to reject him later" Brandey predicts.
The guys' shrug in agreement. "Let's call her!" Says Dean. "But what if she's not interested in Castiel?" Sam asks.
"Sam, she was interested in YOU. I THINK she'll be desperate enough to go out with Castiel."
"Hey!"
Brendan covers Sam's ears in comfort.
Dean reads the number off of Sam's hand, dialing it on his phone.
Sam holds it to his ear.
"Suicide hotline, what's your emergency?"
A woman on the other line asks.
"What the FUCK?!" Sam asks.
"Is it actually pizza delivery?" Dean whispers.
"Cheese with extra olives!!" Brandey requests loudly.
"Ma'am, we've tracked down your address and are now sending EMTs that will transfer you to the nearest psychiatric ward right away."
"I'm a boy!! And I'm not suicidal! This whole thing was an accident-!"
EMTs burst through the door, pushing a gurney. "Aaaahhhh....!" Sam screams.
The men pick him up and set him on the gurney, tying him down with belts.
"Guys! Help!" He screams.
Dean, Brendan, and Brandey all try to frantically explain that it was a misunderstanding, but the men don't listen.
"Ah! This is what he was going to do the deed with!" One screams, pointing to the spike ball on the counter.
"Hey! That's mine!" Brendan screams.
"It's going to be okay little homo" one EMT tells Sam. "I AM A TALL BISEXUAL!!!"
They roll him out of the house, and into the ambulance where he's driven away.
Susan returns from grocery shopping.
"What'd I miss? Oh yeah by the way Gerald moved to New Mexico."
Castiel walks through the door. "Hi guys!" He smiles.
"Cas! Sam got taken away and sent to a psych ward! Please snap him back!" Dean begs.
Castiel repeatedly snaps his fingers.
Nothing happens.
"Cas, what the fuck?!" Brandey demands.
"I'm sorry! It must be a pregnancy side effect."
"Lindsay's pregnant AGAIN? That dumb fuck" Brandey accuses.
"No, not her! Me! I'm having a baby!" Castiel smiles, pointing to his tummy.
"Heavens jeepers!" Susan yells, putting the groceries away. "Could you kids help with the groceries? I don't have a husband to help me anymore. Not that he ever helped in the first place." She adds.
They ignore her. "Cas, I think we need to have 'the talk'." Dean tells him.
"I'll get the puppets!" Susan smiles, raising her hand.
"Guys, can we deal with this later?!" Brendan demands. "Sam is in a PSYCH WARD. Somewhere where he does NOT belong."
"Are you sure?" Brandey asks. "He DOES seem emotionally damaged."
"He may be emotionally damaged, but not enough to be placed in a psych ward!" Brendan defends.
Dean, Brendan, Brandey and Castiel all find the psych ward Sam's at, and walk inside.
"We're here for Samuel Charles Winchester?" Dean asks the receptionist at the front desk.
"Are y'all family?" She asks.
"I'm his brother."
"Prove it."
"Uhh; I don't know can't you just trust me when I when say I am?!" Dean panics, beginning to sweat.
The woman sighs slowly. "Fine. I'll let you in 'cause you're a fine piece of eye candy."
Dean grins. "I sleep with him!" Brandey announces proudly.
"And how do you relate to the patient?" The receptionist asks Brendan.
"I'm his boyfriend."
"Sorry. Family only."
"Brendan IS family; could you just let us in?!" Dean demands. Brendan smiles.
"I would just snap you guys in but I'm pregnant!" Cas yells. Brandey covers his mouth before he's placed under check, too.
"For LOOOOOVVEEE!" Brendan screams, running down the hallway where all the patients are placed, his fist high in the air.
"How come you never did that for me?" Brandey grills Dean, frowning and crossing her arms.
"I'm coming Sammy!!!!" He screams, purposely ignoring her and running off to follow Brendan. Brandey sighs, rolling her eyes. "That's why I broke up with him" Cas tells her. She glares at him.
Dean and Brendan run down the hallway, bursting through the doors of an entirely different area.
Sam, and the rest of the patients sit around the room in a circle of chairs, explaining why they're there.
"So yeah I stabbed a girl with a wine bottle opener, and...Now I'm here." One of many gothic girls explain.
"Thank you for sharing Hilly" the female volunteer tells her.
"Sam!" Dean yells. Sam looks over.
"Guys?"
"We're breaking you out. Come on!" Brendan says.
"Well you're not doing a very good job. I like it here!"
"What?"
"Yeah! I have a comfy bed and so many nice friends. But there IS a smoking room that I don't know how I feel about." Sam explains.
"But-!"
"SECURITY!!!" The woman shouts.
"No, no no! No need to call security. We'll be on our way..." Dean informs. He and Brendan run back to the receptionist desk, where Castiel is attempting to tell Brandey funny jokes.
"And then they said 'that's no drug addict that's a lawyer'!"
Brandey rolls her eyes, before noticing them.
"Could you find him?" She asks.
"Yeah, but he doesn't wanna leave. He says he 'likes it here'" Dean explains.
"They probably put him on medication that makes him spacey and shit." Brandey tells them. Brendan sighs. "So what now?"
The receptionist walks back over behind her desk. "Sorry. Had to deal with some schizophrenic bitch in room two-oh-four."
Dean comes up with an idea.
"Um, do you need any volunteers at the moment?" He asks.
The others all smile.
"Yeah, why? You over eighteen?"
"Yep."
"Have any sharp objects with ya?"
"My dick" he jokes, chuckling. Brendan face palms. "You get used to it" Brandey states.
"What, his cocky jokes?"
"No his sharp dick."
"You're hired" the lady tells Dean.
"Yay-!"
"You'll start tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? Why can't I start now? I love special needs people!"
This time Brendan isn't the only one who facepalms.
"Tomorrow morning is when we sneak meds into all their foods. We need as much people as we can. Show up at nine sharp."
Dean sighs. "Yes ma'am..."
So, the next morning, at nine 'o clock, Dean drives over to the the mental hospital.
"Here's your uniform" the same receptionist woman informs, giving it to him.
"Yeah yeah thanks" he replies hastily, taking the outfit and walking away to find Sam.
At the Weaver house, Brendan asks Lindsay "So Lindsay...You're...Really gonna commit to...Castiel having your baby?" He tries not to cringe. "Yup!" Lindsay smiles, taking Castiel's hand. "He's my new baby daddy." The three of them stand in the kitchen. Brandey walks in, whispering "Weird motherfuckers..."
"Do you think Dean got Sam out of the nuthouse, yet?" Castiel asks. "Castiel! Do NOT call it a nuthouse. My sister was there."
"Bitch I'm NOT your sister and I don't give a FUCK what anyone calls that place!" Brandey yells to her.
Lindsay sighs. "Do you think he's hooked up with any loons yet?" She wonders.
"Maybe it SHOULD be called the 'nuthouse'" Brandey jokes, chuckling.
"What?!" Brendan yells.
Instead of calming down a manic bipolar girl like he was told to do, Dean goes on the lookout for Sam. He finds him outside in the play area, playing a game of cards with an elderly woman. "So why are YOU here?" He asks her.
"I have breast cancer."
"Psss. Sam" Dean whispers, standing fifteen feet away and cupping his hands around his mouth. Sam looks over, dropping his cards at the sight of his brother.
"Dean?" He asks. "Ah!! Spider!!!" The lady shouts, seeing Dean and whipping out her wood punishment soon. "Spider!!!" She continues to scream, repeatedly hitting Dean. "Owe! Owe! Owe!" He screams, running away.
Dean runs through the door of the the Weaver household, panting heavily. Many bruises line his face.
"Where's Sammy?!" Brendan frantically asks. "I'm fine, thank you for asking. I couldn't get him out. Some old lady hit me with her spoon."
"Pussy" Brandey insults.
"Hey! I thought you loved me!" Dean yells.
"I do. But you're still a pussy, babe."
Dean tries to return to psych ward, but he had gotten fired because the manic bipolar girl that he was supposed to take care of, killed her nurse.
"Oh, come on! Can't you just let me volunteer more?" He asks.
They lock him out.
So, they bring out the big guns. Brandey.
"Hi, I'd like to voluntarily place myself in," she says at the front desk.
"Monica! We're so glad to have you back."
"'Glad'?"
"We'll place you in room three-oh-eight. You'll be roommates with a nice boy named Sam."
"Perfect. I mean, gah I hate my life!"
"Get her in. Get her in!" The receptionist yells to nearby nurses.
Sam walks back into his room, happily singing "La la la la la la la," with his eyes closed. He opens them, to see Brandey sitting on her bed, which sits next to his. "Brandey? What are you doing here?!" He asks.
"I'm breaking you out, Sam. Let's go."
"But I-"
She grabs him by his shirt, pulling him close. "LET'S GO, N****!!!"
Sam gives in.
They try to leave, but the doors lock.
"You can't leave unless a legal guardian picks you both up."
"But I'm over eighteen!" Brandey defends.
"Dad? Can you come pick me up from the mental hospital?" Brandey asks Gerald on the phone. "I'm in New Mexico you stupid bitch." He hangs up.
"Hello?"
Her last hope is Susan. "Why sure, honey!" Susan smiles on the other line, after Brandey asks her. "Yay!" Brandey smiles, before hanging up.
"Who's gonna sign YOU out?" The reception asks Sam. "Uhhh...We're...Related." Sam lies, so that Susan can just pick both of them up. "Yeah..." Brandey goes along with it, pulling him close to her. They force big smiles.
The receptionist takes a good look at both of them.
"Yeah, I don't think so..."
The horn honks outside. "Brandey! I'm here!" Susan yells.
"You have to walk in and sign me out, stupid bitch!!!" She yells back.
Susan walks in, showing the receptionist proof that she's Brandey's legal guardian.
She begins to sign her out. "But, wait! I'm an orphan...!" Sam lies.
"You're free to go." Brandey is told.
"Brandey! Please don't leave!" Sam begs.
"Mom, can you wait in the car? Sam and I have to figure out a plan" Brandey tells her.
Susan sighs and rolls her eyes, leaving the building. "And don't ditch me like you did the last time!!!" Her daughter yells out.
They go back over to the play area, to figure out a plan.
"You can call your Dad," Brandey suggests, the two of them sitting next to each other in chairs, near the basketball court.
"NO WAY" Sam says. "He would NEVER do something like that for me!"
A very super duper attractive teenage boy walks out, making every girl except Brandey squeal. Including the old lady Sam played cards with.
"Who's THAT?" Brandey asks.
"That's Chad Maguire! Only the CUTEST boy here. He got placed for OCD. The coolest of all disorders." The old lady explains.
"What?" Brandey cringes again.
Chad walks over to Sam. "Hey. I'm gay; and you're really cute. Are you gay too?" He comes on a tad strong.
"I'm actually bi" Sam corrects. Chad laughs, pointing at him. "You're funny." Sam frowns.
"Wanna romantically feed each other medication?" Chad offers. "It's what all the couples here do."
"No thanks...I have a boyfriend."
"Is he here?"
"No...He's waiting for me to get home."
"You don't wanna be with someone 'normal' like him. Be with one of us. Someone like you."
Chad tries to persuade. Brandey frowns.
"First off, Brendan is NOT normal. And I mean that in the nicest way possible" Sam starts.
"Second off, I'm not even supposed to BE here! This whole thing is a misunderstanding. I thought I liked it here, but now I JUST WANNA GO HOME!!!!" He screams.
"Hey!" A nurse screams, running towards him with a giant needle. "Run!" Brandey screams. She and Sam jump over the wall separating the property with the parking lot, landing on the grass below them. Chad follows them. "Not YOU!" Brandey screams, pushing him behind.
The nurse accidentally sticks the needle in Chad's butt. "AAAAHH..!"
"Oh, you should be used to things going up your butt! You're gay!" The old lady yells to him.
Sam and Brandey pile into the back of Susan's car. "Drive, drive!" Brandey screams.
Susan slams on the gas pedal. Sorry by Justin Bieber blasts all the way home.
John, who was bribed by Dean with beer to pick Sam up and sign him out, pulls into the lot. "Sam?!?!?" He shouts, honking the horn.
He sighs, getting out and walking into the building.
"Samuel Charles Winchester? I think that's his middle name." He tells the new receptionist, that's working her first shift because the previous receptionist went to get a pedicure.
"I'M Samuel Charles Winchester!" Chad, who just happens to be nearby with a needle still in his ass, smiles.
"You are?" Asks the receptionist.
"Yuh-huh!"
"What the fuck, kid? You're way too attractive to be Sam." John says.
"Just go with it!" Chad grumbles. "Dean promised me SEVERAL beers if I bought Sam back to him." John explains.
"Samuel Winchester and Monica Brandey escaped!" A nearby nurse explains.
"Let's go kid."
"Call me Chad."
