This was the fourth time me and mama were moving house and country, because she always got different job offers. The first time we moved was from New Jersey to Portugal, the second time was from Portugal to Spain, the third was from Spain to Turkey and the fourth was from Turkey to Greece. When we arrived in Greece mama told me that we were going to stay in Greece for a couple of years. I was so happy that we were going to stay in Greece for longer, because I loved it, even though, I never went to Greece. I loved it because to me it was the country of love, I loved the culture of the place and I loved ..... well I just loved everything about it.
When I was five mama got married for the first time with this man called Dave, I never knew my real dad so for me Dave was, the first real dad for me and I never wanted to let him go. But that was soon to end.
Mama always had this massive dream of when she got married, she and her husband a Caribbean man ( Dave was not a Caribbean man, he was just a normal man from New Jersey ) that for there honeymoon they would go together to Cuba. So Dave being the perfect husband, he made mamas dream come true.
I remember the first two weeks were amazing always sunbathing and at night we would always go for a walk and I would just love looking at mama and Dave holding hands, kissing and laughing at each others jokes. I was so happy for mama, because this was the first time she was ever happy with a man. Because her history with men was not really perfect. I really thought this marriage was going to work, I really thought I would have a dad what would stay and that would not leave me again. I thought Dave loved me as his daughter, as much as I loved him as my real dad.
Shortly after the honeymoon we moved to Portugal, we lived there about six months and Dave wasn't happy living in Portugal, because he couldn't find a job for his self, so he started to drink. The things between mama and Dave completely changed. They would never hold hands, no more romantic kisses and they would rarely talk to each other now. No one would even notice me anymore, mama wouldn't ask me, how was my day at school and Dave wouldn't hug me anymore.
The new job offer mama took in Spain, gave as hope in that we would be a family again. But our wishes quickly faded away. After two months of unsuccessful job hunting for Dave, mama and Dave started fighting and Dave left the house. Mama didn't explain anything to me, Dave didn't even say goodbye. I waited many weeks for him to come back home, but he never did. That was the part that hurt me the most, him not coming back. I actually thought I would have I normal family after all. But after what happened I feel, like I don't deserver the normal family dream.
I never saw Dave again. Instead mama had many lovers, I felt so lonely like nobody cared about me anymore.
I was seven when me and mama moved to Turkey. Between me and mama there was no relationship building up, like a mother and daughter, not even like friends. Many nights when I would lay in my bed and cry I would think of what was going on in mamas head. Mama was always cold to me and never had time for me anymore, she would never hug me or kiss me anymore. The teachers in school would always ask why I was so miserable, the teachers started giving me extra lessons in Turkish, because they all believed that it was a language barrier. When these extra lessons didn't work out, they sent me to the medical room in school for the nurse to check me, this didn't work out either. A while after this I went on a school trip, to the forest. While we were sitting on the grass eating our lunch, my form tutor Mrs Asa asked me ' Stacey could I sit next to you please ' I only smiled at her. She sat next to me and told me a story about her being a shy girl when she was my age. she said that she had a really bad father who would punish her if she wasn't the best in her class. So she believed that if she couldn't make her dad happy, she couldn't make anyone else happy either. She believed that she wasn't good enough for anything or anyone. When her dad died with cancer, she blamed her self for his death. She said she came out of her shell, by joining the local church and then she invited me to her church. For a couple of days I didn't give the teacher any answer. I kept thinking should I ask mama if I'm aloud to go, so I asked her, but she just shrugged her shoulders like she didn't care. So I just went.
The church didn't really make me interested, but I found myself enjoying the time with my form tutor and her family. She had a son that was a two years older than me and a daughter one year younger than me. From that moment on every Sunday, we would meet in the church together. After a month I started joining them for Sunday dinners in there house. In my mind I became part of their family. I would hope for the week to pass quick, for Sunday to come into my life. I began dreaming that Mrs Asa is my mum and her husband is my dad and I have a brother and sister. They were so different from me and mama, they talked to each other nicely and laughed with each other like normal people. I really loved to be like them, I learned table manners while I was with dinning them, but mostly I learned what having a family means.
A year after I lost my little happy family, when me and mama moved to Greece. Once again in my life I lost my happiness because of mama's work. I stared feeling like mama actually didn't want me to happy, I felt like she wanted me to be miserable.
