I sat in the tub, trying to think of the exact moment I lost control if my life. The moment it all spiraled out of sight. The second I had completely given up all hope.
Well let's give this a shot.
It all started February 8, 1997. The day I was born, my mom noticed something strange about me. She noticed I had a red ring around my belly button. At first no one paid attention to it. After 10 days it was hard to avoid considering I was constantly screaming and crying. Finally I went to the hospital and the news was far from good. In fact it was awful. I was doomed to die. Doctors didn't know what was wrong at first which was turns out better than know what was wrong since what it actually was had no cure. I had omphalitis. A flesh eating bacteria that enters through the umbilical cord. Long story short I had no chances of living but I did thanks to a doctor that spent to much time working and was totally devoted to saving lives she didn't know she could save. We had become heroes even to this day we still are.
Next was when I was 11 just about to start 6th grade. I was rushed into the ER after 2 weeks of fighting a nasty "flu". Long story short my intestines were being suffocated by all the scar tissue that had built up over the years. I guess it grows 2 inches a year. So after 11 years and 2 inches that's a lot of tissue. Which meant if have to get it cut out since the blockage wasn't moving lucky it did move and I didn't need surgery. At 20-21 however ill need surgery and I will then be missing half of my intestines, but unfortunately the surgery will kill me because my body is so weak. I know this because the doctor told my mother and I wasn't supposed to hear because I was so "drugged up" but they were wrong, I did hear them an I been dealing with this for a long time now. I'm currently 16 and turning 17 in less than 4 months.
The following time I lost control of myself is when I went in a downward spiral an how I inevitably ended up where I am today. I had just turned 15 and a boy I had met at the beginning of the school year asked me to a bonfire. I had never been any where before so this was exciting for me. I immediately asked my dad if I could go and surprisingly to my knowledge he said yes. "It's my freshman year and it's a bonfire how bad could it be" I remember thinking that to myself as I made myself pretty and I got 2 friends together and we headed out to the bonfire. When I arrived i was nervous but the boy made me feel safe and he was friendly. Later that night things got bad. I was a god kid not wanting to get in trouble. The boy (Paul) was going to smoke but not cigarettes oh no that's to easy he went to smoke pot. I didn't approve, the underage drinking I was ok with, the couples making out on the couch didn't bother me, my friends taking shots in the kitchen left me thinking I was here I take care if them but when the boy wanted a smoke. I couldn't take it any more. So he went to smoke and I said I'm leaving. As I walked out the door with buzzed friends in tow, he showed up and asked why I was leaving. I politely told him I didn't want to get involved with drugs because I was raised to believe thy are pointless (by the way they are and I hate them. Mind you I've never done them) when I agreed to go back in the house with him we sat and talked amongst ourselves. Later that same evening my sister (or best friend) pulled me aside and said she had discovered that the boy made a bet with his female friend (sister) that he could finger me by the end of the night. I laughed and carried on with my night and played it as if I hadn't known. He "convinced" me to go to a room alone with him. He wanted to show me his snake so I played along. We walked into the room and little did he know there really was a snake in there. I told him it was really cool as I ogled the snake as I turned to leave the room I realized he had a hard on and wanted me to handle it. So I giggled and told him that was cute and started to leave the room. He asked where I was going and I told him back to the living room with my friends. He was star struck. He never had any one tell him no before. I giggled as I grabbed his hand and pulled him back to the living room. That was the first "date" we went on.
A week later we went to another bonfire and we bonded really well. Until the week after. That's when my "sister" Paige went with me and she was dating a guy thy was there so we went early. We went to Starbucks and then continued to the bonfire. This bonfire is at our friend Zacks house. All of them were though. We relaxed at the party by partaking in alcoholic beverages. Two seniors were hitting on me, Jimmy and Chris. Both were drinking and giving me there drinks I didn't want to be a wimp so I of course accepted the drinks. Paul had said he'd be there later that night so I don't worry about it. Chris had passed out after our "shoot out" which means he took a shot and then I did and the first one to pass out lost. Surprisingly enough I won! So Jimmy was impressed and kept hitting on me eventually we sat on a bench in the back yard and I leaned on him for support since I was intoxicated.
