A Short Story by Chanda Mwansa && Shonta Noel
This wasn’t how I had pictured it.
The moment I had been looking forward to for the past 6 months was taking place right before my eyes, and not at all how I had planned. I had been dating the most perfect man I ever met in all my 16 years, Jonathan Phillips. We met at a party, and he invited me to the movies the next day! We had fun though, and what happened after that is none of your business.
Anyway, back to right now, stop being nosey.
So here I am, kissing him slowly (tongue and everything) and I pause. I don’t know why I’m pausing, but I open my eyes and look at him. He looks so beautiful, and I’m trying not to get lost in his hazel eyes (which is a bit hard). And stupid me, I blurt ‘I love you, Jonathan.’ And he just looks at me, and I feel like I could die of embarrassment. He says, ‘I like you a lot, Peyton, but how about we just take things slow?’
Slow?! How much slower does he want?!
‘T-t-that’s okay…sure…slow,’ I stutter. My eyes well with water and I wipe the tears quickly, but Jonathan sees. ‘Did I hurt your feelings? I’m sorry sweetie, but I wouldn’t want to lie to you and say that I love you if I don’t.’
‘Yeah, I guess that makes sense,’ I manage, but my gravelly voice doesn’t sound as certain as I would have hoped. He holds me close, reassuring me that I’m the only one he wants to be with and all that romantic stuff. Which would have been romantic if I wasn’t crying? But that's just how the way it was. As he was holding me I cried because I felt like my heart was safe yet unsafe at the same time.
He held me tighter and I heard him whisper in my ear ''we'll be alright''.
This time for sure I felt safe, like my heart was being guarded by this angel, an angel somewhat like Edward Cullen.
I hugged him and looked into his eyes saying ''thanks'' even though it barely came out. I sat up, fixed my hair, cleared my throat and said, ‘’thanks for telling me the truth Jon, I really appreciate it’’.
I opened the door of his new Chevy Camaro stepping a foot out of it. He held me by my right arm and I turned around to face him.
‘’What’s the matter Jon?’’
‘’ Why are you leaving?’’
‘’What’s the sense of me staying? Seriously?’’
For that short time I felt safe, that was gone now. I felt like a lamb in the sight of a lion. I felt frail like a stupid little girl who was going through her teenage love affair. This reminded me of a Taylor Swift’s song, what’s it called again? Oh yeah, Fifteen, the song I had on replay last month.
He laughed, and at this I was puzzled.
Thoughts started to run through my mind; what was there to laugh at? Did he think I was stupid too? Is he going to break up with me?
‘’ Babe, I need you to trust me. If we can’t trust each other, how are we going to last?’’
‘’I do trust you but I’ve had bad experiences and you know that. It’s just that every time I trust a guy with my heart, he takes it and destroys it and now that I’ve found you and I love you, I don’t know if it’ll be different.’’
‘’Babe’’ he started, ‘’let’s put the past behind us, whatever those guys might have done to you, I can assure you that I won’t. I may be the popular guy and everything but that doesn’t mean I’ll treat you like you’re nothing.’’
I felt a smile coming. Wait…it was more like I was blushing. Ok Peyton, stop!
‘’Jon…’’
He interrupted me with a ‘’shhhh’’ and then he kissed me. This time it was more passionate than the last. I shut the car door which I had opened earlier during my irrational phase. Why did this moment feel like de ja vu?
I pulled away (yet another irrational phase).
‘’Jonathan, I can’t’’
‘’Come on Peyton, I thought u trusted me’’ he replied.
‘’That’s what the others said! You’re just like them Jon. All you want is what’s under there’’
‘’Peyton honey, stop it!’’ he hushed me with his tone. ‘’You caught me in a moment there and I’m sorry but those words came out without any thought.’’
‘’ I realized’’ I said after calming down. In this moment I couldn’t believe what I was thinking. Was I really going to do this now? Here?
Without thinking any further I began undressing, taking off the little clothes I was wearing. This was it, I’m doing this for the sixth time and I hope it’ll be different. In other words I hope it’ll be better. The last was a screw up, the last thing he said to me was ‘’ I’m gonna call you tomorrow’’ which of course he never did. So Jon was going to be number six (hopefully my lucky number).
And so it began…
I laid there as he continued to undress me even though I did most of it already. He continued with the kissing just in several other places and that’s when I realized that he was a really good kisser. I noticed he still had on his clothes. Was he waiting for me to do that for him? I started with the buttons on his shirt then I went down to his pants. It was then I realized he was beyond beautiful. He was perfect.
At this point in time I was puzzled. I pondered upon thoughts about what to do next even though I’ve done this for what seems like a million times before.
Ok this was really it. It’s going to happen right now. Before I knew it we were completely naked and I realized I was feeling something I didn’t feel since last July. Something that always made me feel good, even feel loved. And I forgot about everything that happened earlier: all the fighting and taking it slow crap. Now it was time to let him in.
And so that was number six and it felt good. Really good I should say. And it was over now even though I didn’t want it to end but it was time to get home before my mom started worrying. Jon asked me if I was alright and I just nodded even though inside of me wanted to say ‘’no I want more’'.
The drive home was silent which was an unusual thing but I guess ‘’my morning after’’ started already. He walked me to the front porch, stopped, faced me, kissed me on the forehead then said bye. On my way to the door I crossed my fingers hoping that he’ll call tomorrow even though he didn’t say he would. As soon as I got in I ran to my room without making too much noise and drawing attention to myself. It was 10:30…time to go to bed but instead I went looking for my journal which I had stashed somewhere a few days ago so mom wouldn’t find it. Whew! Writing about tonight seemed pretty long but it was worth it and so I began; ‘’dear diary’’ like every teenage girl does.
‘’number six was awesome. Better than I thought. He didn’t say he loved me but I think he does.’’ And I continued listing every detail of tonight and I ended with ‘’I hope I’m not pregnant or anything’’ –when I realized we didn’t use protection- and as usual I signed my initials at the bottom of the page and that was the end of that journal’s entry. There were two hours left until ‘’the morning after’’ would officially begin and I wondered if he would call me tomorrow or bring me breakfast in the morning or call me right now and say those three words, eight letters –I love you- or if he’d ever realize we didn’t use protection and tomorrow he would buy me a pregnancy test, hold me in his arms while I wait for the results and just say it’s gonna be alright Peyton but I was sixteen and he was seventeen and we both had lives ahead of us and if I seriously thought that a guy who never told me ‘’I love you’’ would give up everything to be with me and his maybe child then I’m just the stupid little girl I was a few hours ago. And so that was my number six, the one I actually loved, the one I hoped to have a future with and the one who just texted me saying ‘’I love you too’’.
