•Let's get lost• |G-eazy FF

Prologue

,,I've been reading your diary Mr. Gillum." She said looking up to search for the pen on her desk.
I looked up at her in disgust. She knew I didn't like that word, yet she used it everytime again and again to see how I would react. My reaction was always the same: disgust, maybe shame.
She scribbled something on her sheet of paper before looking up to me again.

I call it my journal.
Mrs. Davenport sure has charm. The typical therapist.
Skinny, a little older than 40, very stylish and a very strong scent of lady million.
I liked to imagine she would buy all those fancy things with the money I'm spending on her.
It's not like we both wouldn't have enough money to buy fancy stuff.
Everytime I see her I have those thoughts in my head. Honestly, everytime I see an older woman on the street.

I can't commit to the thought of growing old with someone, it's just not me.. Not what I would do. As much as I try to, I can't imagine myself being with a person for just so long or even... forever.

I've been through this once so I can't seem to comprehend why I'm still here.. or why this feeling of emptiness won't go away.
How can emptiness feel so heavy after all?

I started therapy because of this ,,mental illness".
My excuse was that that's just who I am, a personality trait if I might say so myself.

My memories are pretty blurred about.. anything really. I don't remember and this makes me so furious. I don't remember anything and I don't understand why it is so fucking hard for me to remember how things feel. A touch, a caress.. I see it in my mind but I don't recall the feelings.
Nobody is here to tell me what happened except for my journal and even tho I wrote it myself I still can't put the pieces together.

,,Mr. Gillum." she noticed I was slowly fading away in my mind.
I smiled and nodded at her.

,,Whuddup?"
She rolled her eyes. As much as she liked fucking with me constantly saying diary I liked fucking with her too.
,,You are making progress. Do you take your pills regularly?"
,,Mrs. I take a lot of pills." I grinned.
,,I suppose that means yes. However Gerald I've read all of your diaries and I can clearly see the path you were heading to."
She looked up to me while she gave back my journal.

Her hand was rather cold which gave me chills at the touch.

,,Her hands were always warm but this time they were as cold as ice, she gave me chills all over my body everytime I touched her. This night was different. Her entire body was cold. Her soul was cold. She gave me chills without even touching me.
She looked at me like I was someone else. I knew exactly why and I didn't realize I was so funrious until she started crying.
Just then I realized I yelled at her without letting her speak. The regret came right after I finished. Looking at her made me sick. This wasn't healthy anymore and I knew it was my fault.
She stood up after I tried apologizing to her just to run out the door. She never came back. I just hope she is ok. I didn't mean to hurt her, yet I manage to push her away from me everytime. I remembered the first fight. From then I couldn't keep track anymore. Maybe this was fight 30 or 200 I don't know."