Forget Me Not

Dear You,

Greetings! Before I go on, I'd like you to know that asking me where I am right now will be futile. I won't tell you, you know. It would defeat the purpose of my running away, wouldn't it? Funny thing to say, running away. It makes me sound like such a coward, doesn't it? Well, don't laugh or raise a skeptical brow when I say this but I'm not a coward. In fact, by running away, I'm doing the brave and noble thing for a lot of people, namely you and Katherine. Yes, Katherine is involved in all of this. Don't act so surprised. I know you knew how I felt about your whole relationship with her and I know you knew that our little tiff just before I 'ran away' was the main reason why I'm here and not there with you right now. If you feel guilty about all of this, then good. That's what I wanted. No, I'm only kidding. Don't feel guilty. Really. It's true that Katherine is the reason why I ran away but it's not because of what you may be thinking right now. I'm not doing this because of some selfish reason. I'm doing this because I want to grow up and I want you AND Katherine to be happy. I have a lot of explaining to do, huh?

It's no secret that I'm, shall we say, quite tightfisted when it comes to the people I care about. You and I have been best friends since kindergarten and I know you know how much I get jealous whenever you or some other close friend gets close to an outsider. Remember Clint? When Sandra started seeing him I did everything I could to physically harm the guy. Sandra got really angry with me for a while but then she found out that Clint was a two-faced manwhore and then we both did everything we could to physically (and mentally) harm him. There was also Nellie in fifth grade who had the most obvious crush on you and tried to literally to put an end to our friendship. I put an end to her long, silky hair by 'accidentally' dropping a ridiculously sticky gum on it. Anyway, I guess I do get really carried away when it comes to my possessiveness. When Katherine came into the picture, I guess I really overdid it. We fought so much over the past couple of months. Can you blame me though? Canceling a movie-marathon that we've planned for weeks, forgetting to come over and help me move YOUR stuff to make room for my new sofa, not calling to tell me that you made other plans (despite already making plans with me first) and leaving me waiting for you at the park, practically freezing to death - how could I not be pissed? I understand that Katherine is special to you and all but that doesn't mean you could have forgotten about me, your best friend, your loyal companion, your confidante, so easily. I don't even care if this sounds bratty or not. I hated how you forgot about me that easily. It was as though our twenty-year-old friendship meant nothing at all to you and I hated that. I hated you. I hated Katherine. And I guess that's when I realized that I had to do something.

Last Friday night, when we were having our screaming match, I said some things that I now truly regret. I'm sorry for saying those nasty things. At the time, I was just so angry. I hated you so much back then. I hated Katherine even more. When you left that night, and after I calmed down a bit, I realized that I wasn't just hurt about the things that you did, I was jealous. And I hated that even more. Regardless of your asshole-like behavior for the past months, you are my friend. You were the one who stood up for me when I was bullied because of my looks. You were the one who encouraged me to pursue what I really wanted rather than what anybody else wanted and expected. You were the one who was always by my side when everyone else was against me. I've always been the one asking you for favors, for advices; you rarely asked for anything. You were always the giver. You deserve to be happy. I have no right to interfere with your happiness. I felt so ashamed and guilty that night that I knew that I had to do something to make it up to you two.

You might be wondering why I ran away when I just said that I wanted to make up for my childish behavior. I ran away because, frankly, I still haven't fully cooled down yet and I'm afraid that there are still some bitter emotions left in me. Some time away from it all will help me. Maybe my absence will help you forgive me faster too. Haha, I hope so. I think I'll be back at around Monday. Two days should be enough, right? Maybe not as soon as Monday but I guess I'll be back sometime soon. I promise. And when I do get back, you have my word that I'll help out as much as I can with the wedding preparations. Why not, right? I may not be that experienced in things like that but I'll do my best anyway. I'll even endure the painful talks of lace and silk and flowers and all that wedding mumbo-jumbo.