People ask what’s wrong and a million different things run through your head. I’m tired, I’m fat, I’m ugly, I’m depressed, I’m suffering, I want to die, I hate myself, I feel empty, I need help, I starve myself, I’m worthless, I’m invisible, I’m broken, I’m afraid, I started cutting again, I’m about to fall apart at any moment. But you answer with “I’m fine.”
People seem to think self harm is only cutting; well anything you do to yourself with the intent of hurting yourself to take the pain away is SELF HARM. They just don’t get it. You can even dig your finger nails into your skin, which is self harm. Get it straight.
Your heart is torn into so many pieces nothing can fix it now, you don’t care. If other people don’t care about you why should you care about yourself?
Life hurts, you’ve figured that out by now. And if you bend over it kicks your butt. So you fall all the way down, then it beats you into the ground and if you try to stand it’ll repeat the process. Nothing will make that change.
You don’t want help even though you need it; you want a hug. From someone who cares that won’t let you go. Because if they let you go you’ll drown for sure this time.
Music is an amazing escape, there is a song for everything, but when the song about someone saving you comes on you just cry because no one cares enough to know that you need saving. You’re at least good at hiding that. Of course you’ve been doing that for almost four years now so you had better be.
You never used to think you would be one of those kids who so desperately need help. But look at you now. More broken than most of the kids you thought were broken.
They say when life gives you lemons you make lemonade; you can’t make lemonade when you have no sugar. It just turns into lemon juice. And in case they haven’t noticed nobody likes lemon juice. Not even other people without sugar.
So maybe running from your problems doesn’t help. But it lengthens the time before you have to face them. Maybe if you run long enough they will just disappear.
You love the cold weather of winter and fall because no one cares if you wear long sleeves and sweatshirts everywhere. In the summertime that gets hard, that is why you relocated you canvas to your legs.
You’re an artist in a way, not exactly the way people think an artist is but an artist nonetheless, and a different paintbrush perhaps. Your canvas has a few flaws but that is why you chose to paint that canvas.
Why do they call you ugly? Are you? Maybe you are because they say it every day, never missed a day.
You kind of want to die, but then again you aren’t worth the pain your death would cause. So why die? Besides when you are alive you’re getting the pain you deserve. At least you think you deserve it…
Authors Note:
Hey guysJ I’ve kind of got really bad writers block so I’m sorry if my chapters have been awful. But here is the next chapter of A Time For You. I’ve been posting a few other books if you wanted to check them out;) and make sure you vote comment and fan me O_O O.o
8-) B-) ok enough smiley’s. love you guys and thanks for reading this random book of feelingsJ
With love,
Ashley
