Airplanes and Airports

Chapter 18

Instead of wearing white or black, I wore lavender. I don't know why but I did. I remember you telling me not to follow tradition and be who I wanted to be. I was wearing my lavender dress and Dad got mad at me. He yelled at me right in front of King and Mom.

"What the hell are you wearing? Your brother's dead and you look like you're attending a luncheon!" He said.

He had an iron grip on my forearm; I'm pretty sure it would bruise soon. His eyes were full of hatred and rage. I just looked at him, not even a tear threatening to fall.

"Scott wouldn't want me to wear white or black. He would be happy if I were." my voice was rebellious.

And, all of a sudden, I can feel a numbing pain on my right cheek; he slapped me. It did not hurt. I've felt something more painful than this. I couldn't feel anything but the growing hate for my father. That's all I can feel right now.

He did not allow me to say anything. He did not even allow me to say goodbye to Scott. He did not allow me to tell people how much my brother loved me and how unhappy he was. No. I didn't get to do that. At that moment, I realized... He never knew his son. His own son. He did not even tell the guests that he loved Scott.

King held me close to him. I did not cry through the funeral service. I never cried that day, but I was sure that somewhere, my soul is weeping for my brother. King was scared that I might just run off or do something stupid.

I was 11 then.

I woke up with a terrible head ache. Ugh. This is what I hate when I drink. I couldn't even open my eyes becuase it was too bright. I rubbed my eyes and felt somebody hand me a pair of sunnies. I put it on and saw a guy standing beside the bedside table.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. Sorry, I had to open the curtain." Seth said.

I nodded, "Where am I though? Did something happen between us, Seth?"

He looked at me as if I accused him of being a theif. "Hell no. Dude, I don't take advantage of beautiful, drunk, stoned chics. You're King's sister."

"Then why are you here?"

"This is my family's hotel. Your brother's downstairs, having breakfast with Louie and Red. I volunteered na intayin ka magising." he explained. He sighed and sat on the foot of the bed. "You were actually dreaming. It seemed like you were in pain. I was about to wake you, but you woke up."

Dreams hurt, sometimes. But, I never thought that somebody saw me in pain. Well, I wasn't aware of it naman since tulog ako. Sometimes, I wish na wala na lang dreams. Well, sometimes lang naman. When I go to bed drunk and stoned, sana walang dreams. Para hangover lang ung iisipin ko when I wake up.

I stood up and went to the bathroom to wash my face. I locked the door and just stared at my reflection on the mirror for quite sometime. I need to see the reminder that Scott's long gone; I took off my dress and saw them.

A bullethole scar a few centimeters to the left of my breast bone. I touched it with my right hand while my eyes travelled to my stomach. There, an inch above my navel was another bullethole scar. I never saw his, but I believe that these scars are connected to his. They always will be.

A knock came on the door.

"Christine, King's looking for you na. Matagal ka pa?" It was Seth.

I sniffed and wiped a stray tear, "Give me one minute. Sorry."

"Okay. I'll wait for you."

I turned the faucet on and splashed cold water on my face. I can't be miserable now. Hindi ko nga alam what happened last night tapos magiging miserable pa ko. My head hurts from too much alcohol and iiyak pa ko? Ugh, I'd be killing myself, then. King and Mom wouldn't want that.

Speaking of last night, where the hell is Katrina? Last thing I remember, she went to the dance floor kasama si Red and another guy. I'm not sure if that's Tyrone or Drake. I just hope she's okay.

Seth and I went down to the lobby quietly. I'm not a morning person and I wasn't really in a talking mood. I like the vibe that Seth gives me when he's around, but I'm pretty sure... wala lang yun. He's King's friend anyway. I can't make a move.

"Oh, yun na pala sila eh!" That was Red.

My brother turned around to see if totoo yung nisabi ni Red. He smiled and stood up to greet me. King kissed the top of my head and messed my already messed-up hair. Yan ung gusto ng kapatid ko eh, laging igulo ung hair ko.

"Tagal mo naman gumising, Chabs." King said as he lead me to the table where the other people are eating. "9 na, nagssnore ka pa eh. And you slept at like 12. Wag mo naman ako pahiya sa friends ko, Chabs."

I sat down between him and Seth. I rolled my eyes, "Kuya naman kasi Kat and I went shopping pa before going to Hades." I explained. I looked around the room to look for my cousin. "Where is she anyway?"

Drake coughed, "Kinulit akong ihatid sya sa bahay nila kagabi eh. Mga 2 na din yun."

I raised an eyebrow and looked at Drake. Hindi ko alam if I should start imagining them together or something. Drake has this secretive smirk on his face after all. But, I know Katrina... Drake's not her type and she's still miserable. Oh... maybe he's her way out?

"Oh, what are you guys waiting for? Aren't you gonna eat?" Louie asked after he took a bite of bacon.

Red chuckled, "Wow Kuya. It's as if ikaw owner nung hotel nila Seth eh no?"

"Look at him, Red. He's doing it again; he's staring at my food again. For the past 12 or 13 years of my life he's been doing that to me kapag wala syang kinakaen." he explained to his sister.

True enough, Seth was looking at Louie's plate. I couldn't help but smile 'cause he can talk to Tyrone while he's staring at the plate. He wasn't watching Louie eat naman, he was just plainly staring at the food. This guy's funnily weird, if that's one way I can describe him.

He's weird. I like weird.

We checked out at 4pm. We went our seperate ways na din naman 'cause Mom's expecting us to be home before dinner. May dinner daw kasi with her side of the family sa house. So, I guess, I'll be seeing Katrina again.

"Chabs, I noticed something and I don't want to burst your bubble." King started while he was driving along EDSA.

I was just watching the cars outside, "Hmm?"

"I'll be direct: you like Seth." It wasn't a question. He was telling me that I like his friend. 

I smirked, "You think?"

"No, I'm sure. I see the way you look at him. You might deny it but your eyes show everything, sweetie." He sighed, "Kami lang ni Scott nakakapansin ng ganyang tinggin mo."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"You look at him as if he's a grape flavored cotton candy. Basta, you have that look na sobrang halata eh."

The radio was playing Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars. If I lay here, would you lie with me? I can imagine myself pulling a Noah Calhoun and Allie Hamilton sa street in the middle of the night. I smiled to myself before turning to my brother.

"Maybe I do. Maybe I don't." I shrugged.

He sighed deeply. "Sweetheart, you can't."

"Why not?"

"Seth's courting somebody. I don't want you to keep your hopes up and be crushed by one of my best friends."

I nodded, "Kuya... I'm fine. I haven't fallen for him yet."

Naka-stop kami. He stared hard at me. A lot of things weren't said, but I tried to read his stare. I tried to read my brother's actions. I can't accept the fact that he might be right and I was already falling down an endless pit and I don't know if I'd be hitting solid ground or I'd find myself in the arms of somebody. I don't know.

Maybe, I have. Maybe, maybe. Help me, Scott. Help me get by.