When You Know It's Love

three

When you know it's Love

"Sometimes the best way to forget pain, is to replace it with another kind of pain."

Chapter 3

It feels like yesterday when the cool breeze hugged my neck like a mother hugging her child. The paintings and murals filled the walls, like it was somekind of a museum and not a street. My vision was at a lower eye level than usual. It was at the level of an adult's waist, as though physically I'm not on par. I looked up and saw my hand attached to someone else's. My vision was blurring and I couldn't make do of whoever the person was. Heㅡorㅡshe was looking at me, but I was too dumbfounded to respond, my mouth too weak for the words to speak.

I looked down at my frilly, pink shoes and realisedㅡI'm not the current Mia. I'm five years old Mia. But how do I not remember this memory? Why could I make do of everything else around me but the person beside me; the person whom I know I must have held close to my heart and whose touch I crave even though at that moment I was holding onto himㅡor her? Why are these thoughts even still alive if I turned back time?

The grip of our hands tightened and we stopped in our tracks in front of the busy city and its traffic lights. Everything seemed so foreign, as though I've seen them for the first time although it was pretty obvious the "hand-holder" knew his/her way through the city. It was as if she/he had a map etched in his brain and a GPS tracking device activated. He/she has been here a few times and somewhere at the back of my mind, I know I must've been too.

I then realised it isn't possible. There's no way this was reality, my thoughts were tooㅡmeㅡfor the five year old me. All I remembered at that age was watching and dancing to re-runs of Barney, begging Mom to buy all seasons of the show from the local CD store down our street or atleast I was told to believe that was all I did.

"Mia, the lights are green, let's go." His voice revealed. It was a voice all too familiar, too familiar that it made my stomach turn and ache.

My mind filled with thoughts about the possibilities of how this could happenㅡhow the voice was so close to me, not only physically but emotionally too, as if he has been a part of my life all these years.

The grip on my hand loosened. I looked back and realised I had brought myself to run away from the monster, in hopes that i'll never come across him again but to my dismay, to disaster, to tragedy. I heard cries of my name echoing at the back of mind slowly fading and my vision started to disappear. Then I heard itㅡthe sound I heard for the last time.

A car crash. And my vision blackened.

**

"Hey, you alright?"

J's voice lingered in my mind just as I had my eyes open. I looked at my hands, my feet and the surroundings around me. They match the proportion of my body and my mind now, almost on par with J's. I no longer felt small in physique and in vulnerability. There was no sight of the pink, frilly shoes and the man whose voice was all I heard a few minutes ago. I was not in the streets but instead seated comfortably on the leather plane seat. I didn't realise I haven't responded to him until he snapped his fingers just in front of my face.

"Oh sorry, bad dream."

"Was the mirror expensive?" (I think he meant it as me dreaming of myself, hence having a bad dream)

"Whatㅡoh you piece of shitㅡit's more expensive than fixing your face when I land my hands on it."

"Woah, didn't know you were into that kinky shit. Give us some more time bruh, it's only been a day."