Behind Sheeran's Songs

New York

I hate the world. I hate myself and everything around me. I want to disappear. I'm lost. I'm a mess and I'm confused. Everything's complicated, unclear, mess.
I feel tears, falling down my cheeks and soaking in the thick fabric of the blanket surrounding me.
It's already the second day on the run when I have been lying on the bed and idly staring at the walls and cieling. I have no idea what time is it. I guess it's evening, because there is no light penetrating through the gaps of curtains. I have not got up, eaten, drunk, taken shower for two days already. I went to toilet once, but for the remaining time I was lying in the bed and crying.
My mobile phone is discharged and lying somewhere I don't even know. After the call for Ed, I didn't touch it once.
I closed my eyes. I tried to fall asleep or to take a nap at least, but my body resisted, because it didn't need. After two days of lying and doing nothing, it needed running, rushing, doing something somewhere, but not to sleep. But I was tired, only spiritually. I don't need anything, I want nothing. Because... What's the point of all of this? Life kicks out all of those who haven't found their place yet. For example, those like... Me.
I heard knocking at my door. I won't go and open it. I don't want and there's no point doing this. Who will really need me... There's no one. Nobody needs lost people.
Just because of this reason, they get lost.
Knocking gets louder. Someone really wants to get in. Somebody stubbornly wants to give away his or her advertisement or package or to ask for alms. Continue knocking - you will get tired soon, but just let me lie and regret on myself.
"Nina!" I heard screaming. "Let me in! I know that you are here. Don't make me to break in!"
Ed. Of course. Yeah, yeah, I can only imagine how he would break doors and go in. Anyway, I stood up. Slowly went to the doors and asked stupidly:
"Who's there?"
"Ed. Let me in."
I sighed and let him in. His ginger hair was wet like the rest of his body. I could see worry in his face. Ed closed the door, looked at me and said:
"Did you eat something?"
I didn't answer anything. I turned my look down to the floor. He will act a careful friend and say that I look meager and should eat.
"Nina, you look meager," I rolled my eyes (in my minds of course. For real, I was staring at my fluffy stockings). "You should eat something, because I don't want you to disappear from the surface of Earth."
'I'm not hungry,' I murmured and my belly rumbled. Thanks a lot.
"Let's check your fridge," ginger said and went straight to the kitchen. I followed him.
"We've got some salami, butter, a cucumber and some bread. I will make you some sandwiches while you will tell me everything".
"I have already told you on the phone. There's nothing left."
He carefully spread butter on the bread, cut salami and cucumber and put them on the bread. When he finished, gave the sandwich to me and said:
"We need to go somewhere."
"Where?"
"Bite and eat. I won't tell you until you will be full."
"How can I be full after eating a single sandwich?"
"Just eat! I will make more.
I bit the sandwich one and one more time. It was tasty or maybe I was very hungry. Anyway, I finished eating this one and wanted more.
"More?" Ed asked.
"Yes, one more."
He quickly made a sandwich, gave it to me and said:
"We need to go out."
"Where?" I asked with the full mouth of sandwich.
"Secret," he said and cheeky smiled. "You finished? Let's go dress up."
Ed was so energetic, I felt tired just being next to him. When I finally reached the room, Ed has already opened up my wardrobe and looking out for something to dress me up. I fell on the bed and watched the friend being so... Not tired.
"It's kinda cool outside. You should wear these jeans, this sweatshirt and sneakers..." he turned to me. "Come on, Nina! Stand up or I will dress you up. Do you want me to do this?"
"Nooo... I'm tired. I don't want to go anywhere."
"I can't hear you. Here's the clothes, I'm going to the kitchen."
He left me alone. I stood up, took all dirty clothes from myself and put on the clean ones. I tied my messy, oily hair to a ponytail and went out of my room.
"Well, that's better. Let's go."
"Where are we going?" I asked when I locked the door and finally was outside.
Ed went down the street without saying a word. I walked next to him. He said true, it was cool summer evening, but I liked it. We were walking like that for a while until Ed crossed the street and went straight to the bar. We went in where were lots of drunk and not really drunk people and headed to the bar. He ordered two vodkas for us.
"Ed, I don't want to drink!" I shouted to reach him through the noise.
"It will help! I promise!" he took the glass. "Life sucks sometimes!" and drank it all.
I took a look at mine. It was small and filled with transparent liquid. I lifted it up to my lips, closed my eyes and drank it all at once. I felt strong and burning taste in my throat. When I opened up my eyes I saw everything differently. Ed looked the way it was, but everything, life didn't suck that much. I wanted more.
"Sure! Barista, two more vodkas!" Ed shouted and we drank one more time.
Finally, both of us drank five glass of vodka. It was already 3 AM and the bar had to close up so we headed out. Evening wasn't that cool. Maybe because of alcohol in my blood. I just felt my hand intertwined with Ed's. He realized that we're holding hands too, but did nothing and just said:
"Do you want to go home or..?"
"I don't."
Ginger smiled and tried to catch taxi. After five unsuccessful tries, he cought and we went in.
"To Manhattan,' Ed said to driver.
'What are we going to do in Manhattan?"
"Nothing. I just want to drive somewhere. If you have nothing against it."
"Nope."
I looked through the window and started crying. Why? I don't know. My minds were a bigger mess than before. I didn't want Ed to see me crying, but he did.
"Driver? Can you turn the music louder, please?" music started playing louder. "Thank you!"
It was One Republic's "If I Lose Myself" and he started singing. Okay, he sings adorably, but now he sang terrible. Maybe just to make me laugh. I smiled and sang along. It was fun. And we sang out of tune to next five songs. Then the radio turned on some song that doesn't have any lyrics and Ed whispered:
"You know that it's okay to cry."
I shaked my head:
"It isn't. I feel weak, but I can't stop."
"It's okay to feel weak, but... It's a waste. Waste of water you know. I'll be there for you anytime. Like in that Friends' theme: I'll be there for youuu..."
I laughed. Yes, I knew that he will ever be there for me. I put my head on his shoulder and felt arms surrounding me. Safety. We didn't say a word. Just were watching sky getting lighter and lighter until it reached the morning and we reached Manhattan. Ed turned to me. Maybe it was because our alcohol faded minds, but our lips got closer and closer until... They suddenly touched.