Selfish (IAKMCM one shot)

Selfish

Sometimes, I think people often forget that the 'other woman' exists.

Or at least forgets that she has feelings. She's merely an obstacle between the two main characters getting together.

That's pretty much my life, at least the way it is at the moment.

I can't say I blame Jesse for liking Lois. She's beautiful, pretty, smart, and has a certain aura about her which means that she appears approachable.

I don't have that. People are intimidated by me. Heck I think even Lois herself was afraid to befriend me for Jesse's sake in the first place. Of course she did though, cause satan can tell that those two are in love with each other they're both just too thick skulled to see it themselves.

This does work well for me however, because I don't want them to realise it.

I want to continue living in a fantasy where I'll always have an incredible guy like Jesse to lean on or let off some steam with after another asshole dumps me for the town whore. I'm not stupid, I know it's not fair on him, to continuously hold him on my hook, but I crave it. I crave having someone there to do anything for you, to hold you in their arms until you feel safe and warm. No one would believe this of the great Rita Hall, who changes boyfriend every couple of weeks, but it could not be more what I need most in life.

I just want to be loved.

Or be in love, maybe both.

As much as I try to convince myself otherwise, Jesse never loved me. He was infatuated with the idea of me; the beautiful, confident queen bee who had her entire life put together in neat organised folders. Of course that could not be further from the truth. Even in my suburban palace of wealth and riches, I'm not happy.

My newfound friendship with Lois has forced me to question some parts of my life. One of which being why Billie and Sophie are friends with me. Especially Billie, we don't even have much in common. She's far more into her Xbox or whatever, while I spend my money on my good friends Prada and Gucci. Is she just friends with me for my reputation? No it couldn't be that; we've been friends since middle school. I suppose it's loyalty, we became friends all the way back then and have stuck together up until now. But even then it took me a long time to become 'secret sharing' close with either of them. Up until middle school I was never close to anyone. People knew who I was, all thanks to the riches of my Dad, but it was more like being famous than being popular.

I didn't like it. Which is why my friendships are so valuable to me.

Lois became incredibly important to me in a very short space of time. For someone who was not very popular before, that girl has an incredible knack for finding common ground and making friends. I admire her loyalty and honestly, they are traits that I very much lack in. 'Helping' Jesse win Lois's love whilst also convincing myself that Jesse and I are dating being a prime example.

Wait what am I talking about, honesty? Lois manipulated and lied to me just to help the boy she's in love with! Having her sister tell me was bad enough, but to see the look of pure guilt and regret on Lois' face twisted my gut into an indescribable burn. Is this what friendship is supposed to be like? Having your 'friends' lie to you for boys?

Jesse texted me a minute ago, demanding to know why I decided to lie to Lois about us dating. Well Lois lied to me so I guess the tides have turned HA! I'm trying to will myself to stop feeling guilty.

She did the same thing to you. She lied to you for her own self gain.

But I know that that doesn't make what I did right.

Is it so wrong that I want the right guy for once? Is it so wrong that want to have Jesse's attention? Is it so wrong that I want to keep Jesse and Lois from being together for as long as possible so that he will keep vaguely paying attention to me?

No it's not wrong.

Why?

Because I'm Rita Hall, and I'm allowed to be selfish.

And there you have it! If you're wondering when it takes place it is just after the girls go round Lois' and try to cheer her up, and Rita finds out why Lois befriended her.

I'm such a huge fan of @Cherry_Cola_x's books and I know that this is a pile of trash compared to her masterpieces, however I thought I'd give it a go and write about the one character I was curious about.

I know it's short but cause I thought it was an insight into her mind it would have to be.

Ciao x