save me // phan

screw up // chapter 3

i have my chemical romance stuck in my head i h8 lYFE &&

this is gonna have some triggering moments in them so pls be careful and ill have a mini summary at the bottom (like dan hehe) <3
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dans pov

its 6pm and phil hasnt came in my room today. maybe he found someone better to talk too. or nicer or funnier, maybe he doesn't like me anymore or maybe he doesn't like the fact that i cant communicate to him with my voice or maybe it's the fact that he may not like how i look and he thinks im disgusting. ( a/n im trying to talk bad about dan cause it's in his pov but im literally physically incapABLE)

ive barely eaten today. im already too fat. (a/n you're squish wyd dan) zoe has been worried about me, earlier she had mentioned group therapy again, i quickly declined. i hate group therapy, you either get pitied or pity someone else and if you don't then you just sit there until you tell about 9 other people who you barely know things that you wouldn't even want your family to know.

she had also brought up my mother again. i hate that women with every ounce of me. i didn't even get her time to finish whatever she was going to say about her before covering my ears, shutting my eyes and backing away. zoe quickly pulled my into a hug and said soothing things like "its okay if you aren't ready" and "youre okay"and some other stuff which i wasn't really paying attention too. but it still helped me calm down.

a little after that she had to go but first she made sure i was 100% okay with her leaving. i wasnt. but that wasnt important and i didnt want to keep her from the other people. so now im laying on my bed looking up at the wall and just.. thinking.

*flashback*

"over here daniel" one of the nicer nurses pointed. i was going to see my mother again in quite a while. when i first walked in she was already arguing with one of the workers. typical. the nurse, i think her name was louise, was trying to be civil, but my mother is anything but civil.

when she finally made eye contact with me she gasped. "awe daniel my baby looks so grown." she said while pulling me into a hug that was highly uncomfortable for me. "did they fix you yet?" she asked while looking at me with hopeful eyes but knowing her my entire life she was hiding something but unfortunately at the time i couldn't quite tell what it was.

i plainly shook my head and she squinted her eyes at me. "then they aren't doing their jobs! they all deserve to be fired!" she said raising her voice with every word. "YOU HEAR THAT. IM GONNA GET YOU ALL FIRED." she started yelling and pointing at random workers. i just started at her in awe. finally she looked at me and suddenly. very suddenly i might add she slapped me, hard.

"IF YOU WERENT SUCH A SCREW UP THEN YOU WOULDNT EVEN BE IN HERE! BUT NOOO YOU HAD TO HAVE TO WASTE MY TIME DRIVING YOU HERE AND HAVE ME MEET YOU WHICH IS VERY STUPID SINCE YOU CAN'T EVEN FORM ONE SENTENCE WITHOUT BEING A STUTTERING PATHETIC MESS." she yelled. she paused for a little bit and then continued. "wait no, you should be happy that im here, since your father won't even look you in the eye anymore." she said while grabbing her bag from the chair.

"excuse me we are gonna have to ask you to leave" louise said while grabbing my mothers arm. "yes. i think that's best." she walked out and before she left she muttered a word. i acted like i didnt hear it, but i did. 'faggot'. i ran out of the room and went into mine and i broke down. i grabbed some of my medication from a bag under my pillow and went into the bathroom. i thought i heard someones voice, it was probably zoe.

i swallowed them all before blacking out and for a moment it was peaceful. like everything was gone but then it was ripped away from the only person on the planet who seemed to care about me: zoe. she started banging on the door and it was fairly (local) easy to open. she had stuck a finger down my throat to get some of the pills out. it worked.

before that day i was doing so well. that's part of the reason i wanted to see her. i wasn't fully better of course but still i was going good. but after that day i just stopped trying and started getting more negative thoughts.

*end of flashback*

i hadn't even realized i was crying until i got out of my thoughts. so i quickly wiped them away. the door was opened and it was zoe again. she looked troubled. "what's wrong?" i wrote it in a paper and she read it quickly "it's just, at the dinner alfie said he wanted kids but i just don't think im ready." i wrote "kids are a big deal and if you don't think you are ready then you shouldn't have them" she read that quickly too. "yeah, i guess." she said while smiling.

"ill check on you later hun" she said while walking about. i tapped her shoulder to get her attention and when she turned around i wrote "phil?" she gave a small smile and said "he didn't show up today, said something about family troubles." she said grabbing my hand. i returned the smile and walked back to the bed. she left after that.

instead of falling asleep thinking about phil i thought of the devil i had for a mother.

quick summary:[ so basically dans mums a bitch and pushed him too attempt suicide and he stopped trying to get better after that (talking), and phil didn't show up that day bc family problems)

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