Thoughts

l o v e

Dear past self,
You were an idiot. You'll never grow out of it. But you always had good intentions when you messed up. Don't blame yourself on other people's misfortunes. When that person you liked left your grasp, let it go. There's no point in visiting the past. It doesn't do well to dwell on dreams. It isn't your fault that your family is somewhat broken, but some are working hard to repair it. I'm sorry when you found yourself waking up, out of breath, and sweating from the nightmares you've gotten when you've heard about what can happen to your father due to his sleeping habits. It's okay to not cry for someone you don't remember (even if it hurts your mother). It's okay to have blocked your emotions when your supposed church turned their backs on your family and crucified them out of spite and anger. Don't lose focus. Don't hate yourself when you thought you were different from everyone else. Don't lose yourself. So what if your dad couldn't make it to Job Day, or that you weren't proud of your father? So what if you had a "unibrow"? It doesn't matter if your best friend, at the age of 13, asked you when you were gonna pluck or wax your eyebrows bc it was ugly. Be proud of your family. Of your heritage. You are you because of your roots and life. So, in conclusion, learn to love yourself faster, that way you won't suffer much.
~~~~~
a.n.: this was also written roughly 3 years ago and serves to document my old feelings.