NESTA & CASSIAN

The Things We Say Before War (Short Story I)

(Author's Note: I have been seeing a lot of confusion in the comments. Just to clarify; Nesta and Cassian have been seeing each other for some time before this Short Story takes place. They are not exactly a couple, but they have been enjoying each other's company ;). Hope this clears things up hehe xx)

The flames were crackling in the fireplace and Nesta watched them dance restlessly with each other until her gray eyes hurt and the tears that had gathered there fell on her face, rolled down her cheeks. She pursed her full lips together, refusing to make a sound because she knew that he could hear her. He probably could smell the sadness and anger rolling off of her in tremendous waves.

Nesta was not the one to cry. Or show any emotions whatsoever but when it came to the Illyrian male that had taken a huge place in her life... 

Cassian was and probably will be the only man that will wake those emotions buried deep inside Nesta. And this time was no different.

She felt stupid, sitting by the fire and not being able to stop the tears from falling. She could have waited until he had left so that she could rage and cry alone but her desperation ran too deep, her sadness ached too much for she could not stop thinking -

"Nesta, do you want me to make dinner - " 

Nesta took in a sharp breath. She had not heard him come down. Her trembling finger reached to wipe away the tears but Cassian had already smelled the salted scent of them and he was next to her in a minute, crouching next to her chair.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asked, voice soft as feathers. 

She had no answer for him, not an answer that wasn't a made up lie. So she shrugged faintly. The gesture was not enough for the commander though, he cupped her cheek in his rough palm. His hazel eyes searching hers.

"Is this because I am leaving?" he asked quietly. There was no hint of the usual arrogance that laced his words.

Nesta nodded her head yes. It was not a lie, not entirely. She had been sad and worried and scared because he was leaving. She had hoped they'd have more time before the war with Hybern started but time was once again not on their side. 

"I have to go, Nesta -"

"For the Mother's sake, Cassian. I am not asking you not to go but aren't I allowed to be scared for you?" Nesta snapped which made Cassian blink, he was surprised at her declaration. Never before had she outright said that she was worried about his safety, scared  that she might lose the man she's starting to fall for...

"Nothing is going to happen to me, Nesta."

"You don't know that, Cass." she sighed through her nose. The tears had stopped streaming but her heart hadn't yet stopped bleeding. He would be so mad, so furious. And yes, Nesta had never been afraid of his anger before but now that it was justified.

"What else is on your mind, sweetheart." he smirked at her, the hand that cupped her cheek wrapped around her fingers, "I can hear you thinking. What is it?"

"Cassian," she started, taking a deep breath as she turned to really look at him. At his hazel eyes, so radiant, at his stubbled cheeks, at his black hair, at his full lips.

"Yes." he encouraged her. 

"I think I love you, Cassian."

He held his breath and then - 

"Nesta, I love you," he said, "I love you so much, Nesta."

Nesta leaned down to brush her lips against his and he grabbed her hips, pulling her on top of him as he lied back down on the floor next to the crackling fire. Nesta deepened the kiss, her tongue begging for more passion and Cassian gave her everything - everything - he had.

His hands roamed her body, unbuttoning and unstringing her tight corset. He touched her smooth arms and collarbones and breasts and hips and stomach and then - 

Then he was fumbling with her skirts and Nesta buried her hands in his black hair. Her teeth attacking his neck just as he had once done. He groaned in return, his arms wrapping around her form, pulling closer until she could feel his moans radiating in his chest. Until he pressed against her, hard as rock.

Her body was cold and hot at once as she ground against him, taking and giving pleasure. She reached behind him, caressing his wings; his weakness. Cassian shuddered under her, he bit down on her shoulder to keep from groaning out loud.

"Nesta," he panted, "Do you have any idea what you do to me?"

Nesta's only response was a low chuckle because damn her, she knew. She knew what she was doing. She knew how to distract him, and herself from the real issue here. 

She pushed down all those emotions as she lost herself in Cassian's touch, his kisses, his tongue. She could do this, she could be separated from him while he was at war. She had too, she realised. Cassian flipped her over so that he was on top of her, looking down as if she was a wonder, a valuable jewel. 

"I love you," he said again.

These words and his gaze were enough to cause the tears to fall down her cheeks again, only this time they weren't silent at all. Her body shook with sobs and Cassian frowned, confused as to what was causing those damned tears. He lowered his body on top of hers, their chests rising and falling with each harsh breath they took.

Nesta closed her eyes shut as he buried his face in the crook of her neck, she heard him inhale her scent as if trying to mesmerize it for when she was not with him.

Cassian was just as scared and sad as she was, Nesta realized as they lied on the rugged carpet, perhaps even more. She could not do this to him, it would wreck him even more. But she had to because she would not forgive herself if he died without him knowing.

"Cassian," she murmured as her sobs quieted down.

He moved his head so that he could look at her face but she kept her gray eyes trained on the ceiling of the house they shared.

"I am pregnant." she said.

Cassian's body tensed against hers. He propped himself on an elbow so that he could look down at her. His hazel eyes were wide.

"Nesta," he begged, "Nesta, no." 

Nesta's cheeks were wet again but it were Cassian's tears that fell on them this time and not hers. Nesta was cold as he cried, as he cried not of happiness but an emotion only he knew and understood. And as Cassian cried Nesta crawled from under him, pulling her dress back together as she stood up.

"I will leave you to pack," she began as she realised that Cassian's tears had too stopped, he was staring at the carpet as she spoke. 

"Don't leave - "

"I am going to move back to the House of Wind." she stated, her tone not leaving space for arguments.

When she finished pulling her dress together she glanced one last time at the man she loved before she walked out the door. No matter how big her love was for Cassian, their baby was Nesta's first priority from now on.