Chapter 2

37 2 1

by HaleyBarnes8

by HaleyBarnes8

I sit alone in my bedroom listening to Bring Me The Horizon. I've been crying for the past eight hours. It's now almost midnight and I'm sure my dad and Cleveland have passed out from drinking already. I take out my earbuds and listen to the cars drive by. I always leave my window cracked until I go to sleep because the car noises relax me. I think about everything that happened today. Kiera being a bitch, Cameron dumping me, my dad not helping at all. As I replay everything that happened in my head, I cry more and more. I loved Cameron. He was there for me when I would grieve about mom not being here anymore, he was there to protect me from my dad when he went through an abusive stage. Hell, Cameron took me away from my dad because he was hurting me. He had to of loved me at some point, right? It couldn't all have been a lie since day one. He asked me out and was nervous about it. Did he really care? If he did, why did he just do me the way he did earlier? He was such an ass. He's not like that. I've never seen that side of him over the past two years. All the questions and names come to my head. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I'm a worthless bitch who's defenseless. I have no reason to be alive. That's when it hit me. I dashed out of my room and slowly made my way downstairs to the computer room. I grabbed a pencil sharpener and tip toed back upstairs. I found some scissors, candles, and a lighter. I lit the candle and began burning the plastic of the pencil sharpener. I waited until all the sides were melting and used the scissors to get the blade free. I smiled to myself and blew out the candle. I threw everything away and locked myself in my bathroom with the blade.

"If I die tonight, I'll be happy. I know I will, because I will be with you, mom." I said and began crying. I took off my hoodie that was keeping me warm from the December weather and folded it up. I placed it neatly on the side of the tub and collapsed to the floor in tears. I took the blade and drug it vertically across my wrist. I smiled as the blood dripped from it. I took the blade and cut my arm time after time. I found myself happy watching the blood run down my arm and onto the cold white tile. I smiled and leaned against the tub. Just as I had gotten ready to cut again I heard a knock at my door.

"Jamie? Jamie, are you ok?" I heard Cleveland say. I cried a little harder and came to the conclusion that I'm not ok.

"Yeah I'm fine, Cleveland." I called back at him.

"No, you're not. I hear it in your voice and saw your tear stained face earlier. Unlock the door, Jamie. I wanna talk to you and make you feel better." He said. I let out a slight sob and spoke,

"I'm afraid I'll never get better this time, Cleveland." I said and he started jiggling the door knob.

"Let me in, Jamie. We can talk. I promise everything will be ok. I'm here for you." He said and I debated in my head whether or not to open the door.

"Come on, Jamie. Dad's asleep, he won't know. I won't tell him either. Just you and me. Can we do that?" I took my chance then to slowly unlock the door. Cleveland slowly opened it as he talked.

"See that wasn't so-Jamie. Oh my god." He said and he sat next to me and held me as I cried.

"Jamie, why?" He said with tears running down his cheeks.

"I don't know why. I just don't think I'm gonna make it this time, Cleveland." I say and tries to get me quiet.

"Shh. Everything will be fine. Now let's get you cleaned up. I'll make some hot chocolate and get blankets and we'll sit in my room tonight. We'll ditch school tomorrow." He says and pulls me up slowly. He put my arm under the faucet and let warm water run over it. It stung at first but that just means it's "working." Cleveland grabbed a rag and soap and washed my arm.

"Ow, Cleveland. Not so rough." I say.

"Oh, sorry. Here, let's rinse it off and put alcohol on it." He says and rinses my arm and the rag. He dries off my arm and we walk quietly downstairs to the first aid kit. He gets a patch with alcohol already on it and wipes my arm gently. He uses about two more patches due to it still bleeding slightly. He then wraps my arm up and begins making hot chocolate.

"Since when did you become a doctor?" I ask him playfully. He smiles slightly and shrugs.

"I don't know. I guess it was just kind of an instinct. When I was wrapping your arm I wanted it to be perfect. Not too tight, not too lose, and it cover everything. It was just skill I guess." I smile at him and he hands me my hot chocolate. He grabs his and guides me to his room. We tip toe upstairs and he locks his door once we're both in.

"So, what happened today?" He asks me as I stand sipping on my drink. I think back over everything and tears fall from my eyes. He sets his drink down and walks over to me. He takes my drink and puts it on his desk.

"Come here. Let's lay down and you can tell me. It's easier when you have a shoulder to cry on instead of crying to yourself." Cleveland says and tucks me in his bed. He gets in next to me and puts his arm around me. Even though I'm older, he's like a big brother instead of a little one. I wipe away my tears and begin telling him.

"Well, you know Kiera Baits at school?" I ask and he nods.

"She slept with Cameron three months ago. Cameron willingly took her innocence. I almost beat her up today for talking bad about me but Cameron stopped me. He held me all through biology because I saw him giving Kiera the puppy eyes. Then, he drove me home and neither of us said a word. When we got here he broke up with me. Then dad kept yelling at me and now we're here." Cleveland nods.

"Why did he break up with you?" He asked me. That's when the tears came again.

"He said he loved Kiera and that he never loved me. He said it was all a lie. I loved him though. I guess I should've seen the signs. We were off again on again for a couple years." I said and started bawling. I can't explain how much it hurts. Cleveland pulled me closer to him and started rubbing my back.

"He's an idiot and a jerk. If he couldn't see that you were loving him with everything you had then he's not worth it. There's somebody for everybody, Jamie, and he's not the one for you. As much as you want him to be the one, he's not. You're a beautiful young lady and anyone would be lucky to have you. You'll find someone that appreciates you for you someday. I promise."

"Thanks, Cleveland. You're the best brother I could ask for." He hugged me tighter and I knew we were both smiling.

"I try. Now get some sleep. You need it. Don't let that Cameron boy get to ya." I nod and roll over. Maybe this won't be so bad. I'll get over Cameron. Right? I mean, we all move on eventually. Or is it just my way of dealing with it?