The Christmas Miracle

Psalms 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Sarah knew that she shouldn’t pray the prayer, but she had to, “God, you know the desires of my heart. Please, I will do anything, I want to be used by you in whatever way possible Lord, but please I want a baby more than anything.” She was standing in the middle of the bathroom, the tile felt cold on her bare feet.  She slowly opened her eyes and saw her reflection in the mirror, she looked nervous yet still hopeful. Finally, she dared to look down at the plastic stick in her hand. Tears welled up in her eyes as the same result she had seen every month for the past two years appeared on the strip, “Negative.”

She had waited until Aaron left that morning to do the test. They had been trying so hard and she didn’t want to get his hopes up. Well, at least that is what she told herself. In reality she didn’t want him to see her sink lower into her monthly depression. Because as much as she hoped this month would be different, deep down she knew it wouldn’t be. Another month without a baby.

Taking the stick, she buried it into the trashcan under a couple of old magazines and an empty soap box. She finished getting ready, and then she gathered the bag up and took it out to the trashcan by the garage on her way to the car. Hiding her grief from her husband, knowing he would figure it out soon enough, but wanting to protect him from her anguish as long as possible, Sarah wiped tears from her face. Another month without a baby. They had tried everything, fertility experts couldn’t explain why they were not expecting.

Sarah met Aaron when she was twenty-eight and he was thirty. They had decided to let what happened happen their first year married. If she got pregnant early on, they would celebrate the child and how blessed they would be not to wait. Five years later, they still did not have a child. They had been trying in earnest for the past two years and Sarah knew she could not take much more disappointment.

Shaking herself mentally Sarah told herself, “It’s Christmas Eve! You have too much to do today! Snap out of it!” But she couldn’t. Everything she saw reminded her of the baby that she did not have.

She pulled out of the driveway and noticed the church’s nativity display on the corner. Tonight the children would dress in costume and perform a live nativity. They would place a doll in the manger and everyone would gather around and sing “Silent Night” then “Joy to the World.” But right now, the empty manger reminded Sarah of her life without a baby. The Christmas displays in the store windows brought to mind that for another Christmas, there would not be toys and Baby’s First Christmas items under the tree. A single tear fell from her eye.

Snow softly began to fall as Sarah pulled her car into the hospital parking lot.

The thing that tore at Sarah’s heart the most was the job she loved. She reported to the nurses station and then went to the nursery. Sarah had been a pediatrics nurse for ten years. Sarah went into this field because she loved helping others. Specializing in the neonatal pediatrics, Sarah had always had a love for children and babies from the time she was thirteen and started babysitting for neighbors. Now she daily placed babies in the hands of women, yet no one ever placed a child in her arms, well not permanently and Sarah longed for that moment.

Opening the drawer and putting away her purse in her desk, she went to go check on her patients. Becca, the night nurse was feeding little Noah. The baby had been born two days ago and weighed only five pounds at birth. “Is he feeding better today?” Sarah asked as she walked towards the cribs.

“The bottle, he still won’t accept his mother and she really wants to breastfeed.” Sarah and Becca knew that was probably unlikely, possible, but not likely. The importance of bonding with a child was cruicial and breastfeeding strengthened that bond. But having a baby bottle fed was better than not having a baby feed at all.