Faded

Chapter One

I clenched my fists tighter around my bed covers as the sound of helicopters vibrated the walls of the sleeping quarters. I wouldn't get to sleep for another thirty six minutes until they finally landed, finished scouting the 'outside' of the facility for any threats. The helicopters were our guardian angels, they kept an eye out for anything that could hurt us. They circled the facility walls every night, circled like birds for prey. I should be used to the headaches every night due to the vibrations by now; I wasn't. All my life I had been here, it was normal. At least to me. It was my sanctuary, my safe place. Yet I still had to turn the lights on before I entered every room, had to lock every door. The locks were all broken yet I still turned the little thing on the door. False sense of security. It was comforting yet I didn't know what I was being comforted for. The others in the facility weren't the same, they were used to it all. I would call them my friends but the commander informed us that we had no friends in the facility, only teammates, comrades, call it what you want, anything but friends. Commander said friendship was weakness, weakness was death, death was failure to yourself and others. This was a strange place, but it was our strange place. 

I end up staying awake for the rest of the night, playing out scenes of moments that could take place, but wouldn't. My life was unpredictable yet I liked to play pretend in my own head. I liked it because it was the only place I had control of my life. I was neither one of the oldest or youngest in the facility. Just in between. I looked up to the older ones and looked after the younger ones. The oldest was Squid, we called him that because he had a tendency to suck the life out of things. He was always skeptical of everything commander told us, everyone thought him crazy, I just believed he was imaginative like me, or perhaps he knew something we didn't, after all he had been in longer than any of us. Just like everyone else, we didn't know Squid's real name. If he even told us to begin with, it was soon forgotten. Commander issued us with numbers, we were never to use our own names. He didn't know we had made up names for each other, we weren't sure what he would do if he did. My number was 216. When I think of giving numbers as names for real things, it feels cold, distant, I think that names give you meaning. It proves that you're real.   

By the time the morning light begins to highlight the cylindrical shape of the bars over the window, I'm still wide awake. I watch the shadows move over time in the pale light on the floor until the others began to stir awake. Nobody was ever eager to get up in the morning, it was the same thing every day. Morning briefing, breakfast, training, medicals, lunch, physical sport, dinner, bed. All day, everyday. My body had adapted to our repetitive timetable, one minute late for lunch and my stomach would start counting down the minutes until I starved to death. I was pulled from my daydream as the all too familiar banging sound came from the sleeping quarters' door, signalling us to get up. I stretched my non-tired body and sat on the edge of my bed to slip into my day uniform. Naturally, I was the first up so I decided to take the chance to be first into the wash room. As I turned the tap on to brush my teeth I stared at my reflection in the dusty, cracked mirror. My hair was matted and greasy from tossing and turning all night to try to sleep, my eyes were bloodshot and had heavy dark bags underneath them and my skin was as pale as the morning light which was beginning to warm up the room. My eyes threatened to close as I lazily brushed my teeth, my arms grew heavier and my bed called out for me to go back to it. As my thoughts began to drift off, someone to my left cleared their throat, bringing me quickly back to reality. "What are you doing?" I could tell by the hoarse and monotone, tired voice that it was Squid. It wasn't unusual for him to sound fed up with everything and everybody. 
"My teeth. I was up first so I thought I would use the time to quickly use the washroom." I spoke around the pink toothbrush sticking out between my teeth, toothpaste still foamy in my mouth, not even phased by Squid's authoritative glare. 
"You know my rules, kid. Get out and let the big kids have their turn before you start trashing the place. There's a hierarchy and rules in here for a reason so stick to it. Or else." He growled and took my toothbrush from my mouth, throwing it unnecessarily aggressively on the floor. I knew he didn't mean the 'or else', Commander would punish him for laying a hand on me. Squid had implemented compulsory rules for everyone to follow, such as the older members getting priority over the younger ones. He wasn't a mean guy, he just coped by making himself feel in control. But even I knew that none of us were in control. By the time it was my turn to use the washroom I couldn't be bothered to get back up until we needed to leave for morning briefing. The whole night's overdue tiredness had finally caught up to me and all I wanted was to just lay down all day. Commander's voice echoed in my head 'Never give into temptation, 216. It makes you weak.' 
"Guys, it's six, we need to get to briefing!" Willow called out to the younger ones who were taking their precious time in the washroom. We called her Willow because of her motherly nature and her long blonde hair that hung from her head like the branches of a willow tree. Willow was a year or two older than me. If we had a leader she would take the place over Squid, though he may not think so. After successfully brushing the weeks worth of tangles out of Bunny's hair, Willow did a headcount of everyone to make sure we were all lined up and ready to go. I forced my eyes to stay awake and for my legs to carry me as we made our way to the lunch hall for the morning briefing and breakfast. The briefings were typically short and boring. There wasn't much news in a place like this. The person who gave us the information was one of Commander's soldier's. We didn't know his name, only his voice which spoke the same words to us everyday. 
"Training will begin shortly after breakfast so make sure you eat slowly so you're at your best." He said, I mouthed the words along with him as it was so familiar. But today, that wasn't all he had to say. None of us expected what was coming next.