As miserable as it gets

Sitting in the dark alone…hugging my teddy shaking while drying teddy’s face was how I met him…I was tired..so tired.

I was broken beyond repair. Utterly useless to anyone…my expiration date had passed long ago yet I was still giving until no one wanted me…it’s quite funny…how you find yourself in situations in which you have to make choices that never passed your darkest thoughts…I was a sacrifice..waiting.

I waited in the dark…hours…days…weeks perhaps…in the dark you lose track of time. Yet that seems to be all I have…..time.

He found me..finally.  I remember it as if it happened seconds ago…I never left this place after that…I have no reason to..no destination.

“you’re the only one who doesn’t mind  touching me teddy…” I managed the words between my desperate sobs…my head snapping up as I heard the windows cracking open all at the same time…

“hiding from me little one?” I jerked further into the wall scared, knowing the owner of that god forsaken voice…god forsaken…the irony breaks my shattered heart.

“what’s your name?” he demanded…I knew why he asked…without my name he could not lay a finger on me…

“no” I tried to sound strong..

“with that stuffed bear in your hands and the wet tear stains on your cheeks that tone can’t get you so far” boredom dripping from his voice.

I stood up not shaking anymore…it suddenly hit me……..…what you ask?

……everything.

I was used and abused...scared and scarred…I had nothing else to lose or give. Pride…love…a mind or heart of my own…innocence…freedom. The words sounded foreign to me.

“fay, my name is fay” I whispered clinging to teddy desperately which might seem weird for a girl of my age…if I knew how old or young I were.

He crawled in from the window…the first word coming to mind for him for sure was “DISGUSTING”. His long hair everywhere…he smelled of death...the gutter…his eyes so small I doubted if he could  even see me, Sniffing the air as he crawled across the room towards me.

“you’re the sacrifice?” obviously…he wanted to play with me...for me to fight back…I would if I had anything to fight for. I stepped forward nodding never letting go of teddy…

“I have never, in all these years, laid eyes on a soul so impure”…cruelty dripping from his tongue…I glued my eyes to the floor.

“i don’t want you. Tell them to send someone else” he moved away not interested…my eyes snapping up.

“what?! But I’m the sacrifice!” not believing my ears...”and I don’t want you”…hope…a glint of hope shone inside me…deep down…

“…t-thank you”…was I getting a second chance..? to better myself? “oh don’t thank me…”

“…why are you letting me go?” I had to know…I had to know.

He crawled to me standing tall…his thin tall figure bending so he could fit in the room…bending halfway down until his face was mere inches from mine.

“because you my dear fay…” whispering in my ear now…”are as broken and used as a soul can get”

“w-what?”…but…..no..i…

“there’s no joy in tormenting you because there is no tormenting you. You have nothing….absolutely nothing” he turns his back to me ready to leave….

I feel like crying so why can’t I cry..?i feel as if I’m all out of tears…..i stare at his back clinging to teddy watching him leave….

“oh perhaps there is one thing…”he turns back in a speed beyond my limits snatching teddy out of my hands.

“NO!”…no no no no NO!

“now you truly have nothing my dearest fay, farewell” he smirked at me…the disgusting  stench of his mouth filling the room as he crawled out of the room.

My name is fay…and I’m as miserable as it gets.