Diary of a Freak

Part 1

Not going to lie, I've never been good at keeping a diary. I've always struggled with remembering to update it. Sometimes I write pages full, other times I can barely write a paragraph. So I'm just hoping this one works out.

Today is just like any other. It's the end of summer. Which means I'm going back to school soon! My back to school orientation is actually tomorrow. Which could be exciting, getting to see everyone together again, but really it's just a lot of awkward rushing around the halls and filling out paper forms. 

I keep mistyping things, because I' wearing gloves.. My hands are cold, but it's hard to keep the air conditioner from blowing on them, so yeah I'm wearing gloves! Stop judging me. Sorry if my grammar and spelling is really bad throughout this.

For real, I don t know if anyone will want to read this, I don't know how interesting my life is lol. I fell kind of bad because I'm writing this to ignore all of the texts and snap chats I'm getting on my phone right now. 

Some of them are from my friends. Some of them are from this dorky guy who has a crush on me. Some of them are from someone who has a way of making me do.. bad things. And some of them are from my ex boyfriend, who I haven't spoken to in months.

My friend Anna snap chats me hilarious things. She's so interesting I mean she's from Hawaii but now she lives in Kentucky with us! She recently became home schooled, I miss her a lot. We are fellow fan girls and friends. I hope forever.

So Tommy, my dorky friend, makes hos crush very obvious every time he talks to me. We've had some romantic moments in the past, but I don't believe it will ever work out.. because his mom is dating my uncle. 

If you thought that relationship was weird wait til you hear about my "Mr. Mysterious". He's the one who has special ways of making me do things that I wouldn't normally do.. but I want to do so bad. We have so many similarities, and have a great connection. But I feel guilty when I think of all the naughty things we want to do.. 

Don't get me wrong I'm a virgin, and a good girl.. but on the inside I'm one kinky freak! And that's hard to hold back sometimes when someone knows exactly how to get it out of you. No matter how much I try to avoid Eric (a.k.a "Mr. Mysterious") he always finds a way f attracting me back to him.

I wonder if all of these people know who I really am? I never really hide myself from them, I always act, and say what I truly feel. But how can they know the real me when I'm still confused as to who I really am. I'm still discovering that every day.

Based on how others have perceived me, these are some of the words that have been used to describe me:

Weird,  Unique,  Nerd,  Flirt,  Shy,  Otaku,  Prep,  Crazy,  Quiet,  Smart,  Ditsy,  Curious,  Brave,  Bossy,   Sweet,  Scary..

As you can tell some of the words really contradict each other. How can someone be shy yet brave? Sweet but scary? A nerd and a prep? 

You tell me!!! I don't know what I am, because I fit in a lot of categories. It's just the way I am. I try to blame it on the fact that my zodiac sign is "Libra" and usually they are described as kind of split between personalities, we are torn between everything. That's why our sign is balanced scales. We achieve balance by evenly sharing opposing characteristics.

So maybe that's why others see me as weird, and don't understand why I give off the appearance of a preppy girl, yet prefer to hang with the kids talking about internet games and playing magic cards. I just wish it wasn't so hard..

If i fit in one specific group or category then some what of a plan would be laid out in front of me. I wouldn't have so much trouble choosing between things. If I had to choose one word to describe myself it would be:

 di·verse

dəˈvərs,dīˈvərs/

adjectiveshowing a great deal of variety; very different

So look forward to that!