Blank Pages.

I don't know who I'm writing this to.

I dont know who I wish to read this, Or who I want to read this.

But I am writing this.

And It will be read.

As simple as it may be, It is very complex, as well.

For what I am thinking, what i am feeling, will now be known to you as well.

I'm a very social person, however, don't get me wrong.

But not when It comes to sharing my thoughts. And not to everyone.

You see, I surround myself with my closest of friends, and the rest are just acquaintances' who know nothing more than my appearance. Its not that I don't like people; I do. Its just that I don't trust them. Not with my life. Not with my story.

Now i'm not saying I don't talk to anyone outside of my 'clique', so to say. Its just that Its all meaningless talking. The kind of conversation you have with your teacher when they ask you how you're doing and you take one glance at them and immediately, without even thinking, say your good. Now whether you're close to tears or not, it doesn't matter. And you sure as hell aren't going to admit that to your teacher.

But thats how it is in the real world.

You cant express yourself the way you are. You have to change your appearance, change your attitude, your posture, your.. everything.

And in the end all you are left with is the simple-quiet girl you never wanted to be; a duplicate of everyone else in your high school, just trying to fit in.

And thats all it really is. No one is unique. No one is special. Not on the outside.

Its a sad reality we live in. Its a sad world we live in. But it wont change. Not for me, and not for you.

Entry 2

To be honest, I'm not so sure why I'm writing this, either.

The days have been getting harder.

And the people are only getting worse.

But that doesn't neccesarily mean anything.

I'm not better, or worse. I'm neutral. I'm numb.. Sometimes it feels as if im not even there. Like i can feel my breath slowly getting taken away, and i can hear my throat close up as I gasp for air, but i'm not really there. I hear my sister talk to me but i'm not really listening, and I dont respond.

In public im quiet. Im tiny and im shy and altogether im a nobody.

Sometimes people talk about me, a little gossip here and there. But it doesnt really mean anything. No one really listens or cares all that much. Its just something to talk about.

For we, in our world of duplicates, run out of meaningless conversation. And are forced to make up things in our own desire for meaning.

Thats one way to look at it, anyhow.

But again, theres many other factors to look at. Many other opinions to consider. After all, I'm only a quiet girl with a loud mind.

Entry 4

My grades are dropping dramatically. The first quarter grade for History went in as a 50% F because I couldn't find the purpose to study for my test. I'm not finding a purpose to do anything, anymore. I don't know what changed, and I don't know how to fix it. But whatever it is, it isn't good and its tearing me apart.

I know I should be happy.

I have a good life with a good boyfriend and a good friend group and im not so sure whats even wrong.. but im not content.

It seems almost impossible, to me. For anyone to be content. For anyone to be.. accepting of their own life. Its different for me to look at someone elses life and wish i was them; for everyones life looks good until your in their shoes.

Its like I always want more. And.. not just me. I mean, I'm sure you want more too, don't you? Maybe you want a better job, or just a job in general. You want more money, better grades. Whatever it is that you desire i'm sure you arent alone. For we are only greedy humans trying as best as we can to duplicate eachother.

For we see things and we want things. Its common. Its almost neccesary to have in order to be normal. In order to be a good little duplicate like the rest.

But just because we are all copies,

just because we fit in,

does that really mean we are good people?

My answer is no. Your intitled to your opinion, but I for one cannot see how todays society can be filled with good people. Judging by the clothes they wear and the way they talk.. its almost sick.

I mean, im included in this, too. I wear things that show off my body.

And I talk like i'm perfect and I make fun of those who aren't like me.

But that doesn't mean its okay.

It means I fit in.

But you know what? Im really getting sick of 'fitting in.'

Entry 5

Today I walked through the hallway at school, aware of everyone in front of me and behind me, and I started thinking.. If everyone just copies eachother.. then how can anything be achieved? If no one breaks out and does something insane, something.. different.. then how will anyone learn right from wrong?

How will you know what to do or what not to do if you can't try?

I mean, everyday we hear atleast one person gossip to the next about something stupid someone did..

not to do

Then you hear about those people that do something really cool, and they get complements..

to do

But really, if no one were to step outside of their comfort zone and try something new, no one would know what to stay away from or what to try.

And if people really are stepping outside of their comfort zones, maybe I am wrong.

Maybe some people are more than duplicates.

Maybe some people have the guts to try something new, or to be something different than the rest.

And the duplicates are all like blank pages, they don't know what or who they are.

They don't know what they want to be because all they are is copies from the first batch.

And its sad. They live a life full of nothing but lines on paper.

When instead, they could be a design.

So I don't know why I wrote this,

There wasn't a planned story to go with it.

It was really just my thoughts, my feelings, and thats it.

But if there were one thing for you to learn from reading this, i would encourage you to all be more than blank sheets of paper. Find yourself. Be creative. Go out and try something new for a change.. Because if there is no one to be different, there is no tell what society will become.