I am near the edge of the cliff. Each day I find myself closer to the verge just waiting for the eroding rock to crack. I dream of falling the never ending drop- Sometimes I jump, sometimes I'm pushed, and sometimes I don't know what happened, all I know is that my body is isolated and the only thing I feel is pain.
I wake up drenched in pools of my own sweat and wide eyed, I conclude that it cant't go on any longer. It just can't. Surrounding me is the cold, dark night. I'm not scared of the dark, it's the unknown that I'm scared of. Grabbing my dressing gown I slide my arms into the allocated holes and let it hold me in its warm soft and hopeful embrace. As I approach the front room I pause outside the door. My eyes close rapidly as the smell of cheap cider and metallic salt invade my nostrils. Someone breaths heavily, their lungs failing to operate correctly. My guard rises slowly in a pathetic attempt to try and protect my feelings. "You can do this, you have to do this. Be strong." The words tumble from my mouth trying to convince me to enter the room. They succeed - Before I'd even had a chance to take a breath, there I was in the front room. The sight before me was beyond my imagination, worse than it had ever been before. Burning into my retinas was a picture of her lying in a pool of her own sticky, warm blood, with a crooked arm bent out into an almost impossible position, and her face; Oh her face was almost unrecognisable. Blinking harshly I run towards her and then immediately scald myself. "Calm and collect. Be calm and collect" My sub-conscience tells me. Piercing pain seers through my foot, looking down I discover a pearly white tooth is the culprit. Why did she put herself through this again? Lying below me her breathing becomes more erratic as if something trapped inside her was desperately trying to break free. I wasn't going to let it break free. I couldn't.
I knew that if I called an ambulance she would never forgive me, but it was a chance I was prepared to take. I had no other options- It was too bad this time. After waiting for what seemed like days, but in actual fact was only minutes I sat back and watched my word fall from beneath my feet. The fact that I couldn't help was what hurt the most.
