The Story Of Me

Introduction (Part 1)
Well. The begging. Always the hardest to describe. Ask me for 1 word, the word would be indescribable. The amount of emotion that went through my head, the days, hours, felt like minuets and seconds as I reminded myself of every step you had walked away from me. My name is Thorn. He was Pheonix. And every moment of my life I realise a difference between us. Death is the only true heartbreaker. I'm told time heals all. Only death for me can heal the fatal gashes to my personality, I am not me. I am her, I like to think of it that way. My real name is Amber-Mae, but she isn't perfect.
Ok, your probably thinking 'What the hell is this freak talking about?' It will all make sense eventually. I am Amber-mae, but I am also Thorn. Thorn has never let anyone hurt her. I had to learn hard ways to become who I am. Amber-Mae, is who I was. Beaten and mentally killed. Until the only thing that kept me sane was death, not mentally. Them, the pain was too much. Them, they ran, pretended everything was ok. Them, they were the end of him. And me.
Well, I guess the pain does end then. In a way. Death. I've thought about it. But I remain undecided. Things haven't always been terrible for me. Things used to be brilliant: I was popular, I had great friends, great teachers, great viewers and followers, great social media status altogether. Everything was perfect, until. Him, that, then. I won't stay negative, but I will show you how it all started.
The Beginning (Part 2)
Forcing my eyes open, I gradually wake up. Turing round to see a familiar face. Jeez mom, talk about a nightmare. Half asleep, she threw me out of bed. I hate mornings too much. But now I know why. School. He is what I dread. He is somehow the only reason I get up in the morning. I hate him to pieces. But love him to the moon. I don't even know what I feel anymore.
School. Hell no. I have to wake up. Get the bus. Walk in the gates. And stare. Stare at the one. The person who ruined my life. The person who I love too much to let go. So...the day begins.
I'm at school. Depression begins (I'm sorry for any sensitive readers) and I know what I need to do. I see him walking to class. So I stand, and stare. And watch. And stare. And all of my veins strain to get to grips with the beats of my pounding heart. Before long I realise there are people surrounding me. Asking if I need a doctor. I realise I been daydreaming. He was in class already. I had just been standing in the parking lot for half an hour, staring into space. Dreaming of his beauty, perfection and hatred.
So, I get sent home. Most children would be pleased with this result. I was most certainly not. I couldn't see him for six whole hours! That day was found to be the day I realised how sad my obsession was.
So...
The day passed...
Very....
Very.....
Slowly.....
By the time I've finished staring at the clock, counting the seconds going by, there is a doctor in my face. "Hello There!" She begins, "My name is Doctor Whilde, a few people have had concerns about you, do you know why?" I just continue to stare blankly. What was wrong with me? Had I done something? Am I sick? Do I have a desiese? I haven't looked in the mirror lately, maybe I just haven't noticed". I don't know. Then the obvious answer comes from the sympathetic doctors lips "Depression?" I freeze, realising my flaw.
"No! I'm fine, happy, friendly, everything is just fine!" I scream forcing back tears. Is it really this bad? Why am I crying? Why am I too scared to admit it? Help me. "I know it's scary," begins Dr Whilde," I've been there too you know. Lots of people have" It isn't odd for me to hear that. That I'm not alone. Everyone has or will feel the way I do. But they don't feel my desperate owe to be loved by the soul that killed my emotion. The only emotion I have left is hope. One day he will learn. Learn I'm alone. Learn I need him.
Hope (Part 3)
School was over now. Dr Whilde had left with no clue of my needed treatment. My silence helped nobody but me. It sounds selfish. But it's not. It's better for me to suffer than others. I do care, in my own way. I don't really care what your thinking of me right now. I am a freak. I am a goth. I am me, try change that? Don't make me laugh.
I see my phone flashing. Unknown number, I pick up. "Hello?" Begins the mystery person, who I had now gathered was a he, "Is this Amber-Mae?" That annoyed me. "No it is not." I start, " This is Thorn, now what do you want and who the hell are you?" Nobody calls me Amber-Mae apart from my parents when they are mad at me. "It's Pheonix, you know, from school? Anyway sorry about the Amber thing Thorn." Wow, there was a silence for a few seconds. I just took in the amazement, he knew my name. And somehow my number. I'm flattered, but yet still mad. What's wrong with me?
"So," he continues,"I'm having a party, would you like to come?" Once again I froze. He knew my name, number and just invited me to his party. I slapped myself in disbelief. "Are you ok?" He questions,"What was that?" What do I say? I can't tell him. "My cat, she fell off the kitchen table." We both laugh. "But yes, I would love to come!" I'm still shaking, I don't understand my emotions. "Okay, I will text you the details, bye!" By this point it looks like I'm having a seizure, shaking much! "I love you!" I whisper. Not realising he hasn't hung up. "What?" Oh god. This will be fun. "Nothing!" I stutter, "just talking to my cat." He giggles and hangs up. What did I do to deserve this? But then. Listening to myself in my head over. I'm going to a party. With him. Him. I faint in amazement. What will I wake up to now?