Questioning my Mentality

Every second, we are closer to imminent death... But why is it that the closer we are to it the further away it seems? When we want it it does not come, but when we are content and happy with the life we have- death, misfortune, travesty weave their way in. I guess it's fair to say that some higher soul takes part in our lives. We are irony. We as humans want to live yet it is so easy for us to die, we're just puppets in a sickly sweet game of sticks and stones.

Writing this I become minutes closer to death. It seems so peaceful- eternal grace and peace but it is the very thing we are programmed to fear, it is only those who are strong enough to block that instinct that reach the slumber, disrupting the puppet master's grand plan for the lost soul.

Sometimes I think so much has been wasted, each breathe escaping the body, a blink of an eye could have been the time used to more productively somehow make my life a thing of happiness. When I'm on the bed of death will I reminisce in things of so long ago? Remember every small detail of my life? Is there anything more?

I read of blogs convincing me to savor time, experience, navigate, but how is it possible? Death is imminent, it will come and it's the matter of accepting and moving on with the fact that I will find of great help to anyone. It isn't something to think about now, or in a year or so perhaps. Some people's lives have hardly begun.

The future is not the now, there isn't a future.. It is me in two seconds, or a minute. The future is you scrolling down, although the message of this post is unclear even to me I find one thing that I want to pass onto someone who was bothered enough to read my little 'rant':

You decide your future and even though someday it will all come to an end, it is the attitude towards such end that keeps you going.

Ok, not as inspirational as I would have liked but truthfully I am writing whatever comes to mind, and to me- it is truth...I think.