Fear of Oblivion

Oblivion

Oblivion.

Just like the beautiful imagination who John Green named as Augustus Waters, I am scared of oblivion.

I often find myself staring blankly at the night sky, wondering if any soul in this world will try to find me among those twinkling gems we call stars, when I die. I worry if a wandering mind will find peace in memories painted in my name. I wonder if someone will try to hold onto the last essences of my existence.

Will someone cry if I leave? Or will they forget? Will they miss me if I die? Or will they be indifferent?

It terrifies me that no matter what I think, the answer may possibly weigh towards oblivion.

After all, it's the happiness that always faces forgetfulness, the pain a heart bears, stays etched on one's soul.

No matter how much lust I feel towards the idea of having fame and name to counter my fear, what I truly wish for is however, love. I don't want a million of people chanting my name, I just want one person who will whisper it to remind me of who I am when I start to lose myself, who will hold me tight when I fall apart, who will see me at my best but will stand with me on my worst.

That will be the person who won't let me drown in the darkness of oblivion by keeping me alive in their thoughts, rest will only say 'I am sorry for your loss' to those who actually care.

Maybe some people really do care. Maybe I have impacted their life and maybe just maybe, they will give me an infinity in their hearts because contrary to popular belief, the fear of oblivion isn't an implication of hunger for fame.

I agree that one day, everything that human race built, will go down the drain. It will be the day of doom when keeping Napoleon Bonaparte on mind will be the last thing someone would do, but still what about rest of the lifetime?

Isn't it just nice to know that even when you vanish from this planet, there will be someone down here who will have you in at least one of their memory till their last breath?

Maybe that memory will be fogged, maybe that memory won't invade their thoughts frequently but at least it will be there. That little ounce of energy in their memory, will keep you alive after your demise.

What if the moments that seem stupid to you now, become favourite fables of your godchildren? What if your proud moments become examples for your niece and nephews? What if your hard work become the legacy for your next generation? What if your words become quotes to your lover? What if your smiles become memory to your family?

Not getting pleasure to play these roles after my demise is my definition of oblivion.

Fame is overrated anyways, real forgetfulness is vanishing from the thoughts of people you love.

Because that would imply the hollowness of their sweet nothings and there is no feeling as painful as getting hurt by the words that once made you smile.

~Soumya