Depression Without Reason

I never understood why I was so different from everyone else.

Everyone else always had drama.

Everyone else always had relationships.

Everyone else always had problems.

Everyone else was always... crying.

I never did.

I lived a pretty simple life. There was never any reason for depression. I had a father and a mother, no siblings. We lived in a quieter section of LA. Suburbs. I was never beaten; I never cut; I wasn't anorexic. Nothing was wrong, but at the same time everything was. I didn't know who I was.

Everyone else I ever knew was always in some sort of depressed state. I was the girl people came running to when their boyfriend cheated on them, when their father beat them, when they were thinking about suicide... but I had no one to run to.

You don't have to be living a nightmare, to be trapped in a world of agony. That's not the way it works. Just because you're smiling on the outside doesn't mean you aren't breaking on the inside. 

Don't get me wrong, I loved my friends. But they were all idiotic at some point. They dug their graves themselves, and expected me to pull them out of these endless pits of sorrow. I've seen a lot of things in my time.. things I prefer not to think about. I've convinced myself this world is full of monsters. Because I'm right. And I help whoever I can.

But I still used to think to myself: what if something happens to me? What am I going to do? Would I try to get help, or just give up? 

Everyone poured themselves into me. I lived the pain of all my friends at once. Do you have any idea the burden I carried? All the secrets I held in the palm of my hand, all the lies I pretended didn't exist. I was so very powerful, and I didn't even know it. I could've broke endless hearts with the things I knew...

I was depressed without reason. Complicated, right?

It's not always like that. That dark piece of my personality only burns through my paper walls every now and then...

My name is Isabella Flaming. I know, weird name. But I think it puts a little flare in my first impressions. I have long dirty blonde hair, and deep brown eyes. I'm about 5' 6" and I'm pretty thin. I like to keep in shape, so I've got some definition. I'm definitely not unattractive. Probably.

I'm a junior in high school, having just turned 16. High school is what you could call, "my kingdom". I'm friends with everyone there is. As far as I'm concerned, no one has anything on me, and no one hates me. There's no reason for anyone to dislike me.

Becauseeee I've never had a boyfriend. Have you ever noticed, how the people who don't get involved with anyone have it pretty easy? Almost all anxiety in high school comes from relationship issues.

Oh please. Who in the hell has time for all that shit? I see no reason to get involved in something that I know will NOT last until marraige. So some people think I'm gay, or asexual. Whatever, I couldn't care less! 

As you can see, I'm usually pretty care-free. It's only every once in a while, that I slip into those dark comatic states where nothing is wrong, but nothing seems right. I usually manage to break out of those bonds with music. Music, is my life. I love everything.. except country. I pretty much love anything with a quick beat. I'm always running around singing everything I hear, and dancing to my own voice. 

When people see me coming, they unconsciously seperate, forming a path of solemnity . I'll make it clear now, that I look a little different. I've got a hip kind of style. I do rock the leggins and Hollister apparel sometimes, but most days I show up to school in something like a Diamond tee, skinny jeans, and my favorite pair of Vans. One time I dressed in the exact same outfit as my best guy bud Derek. Needless to say, it made my fashion sense clear to all.

People rarely confront me about all of this. They just know it's the way I am. Yes, they probably have a problem with my sense of style, but they know I look good so they don't bother getting into with me. I attract all kinds of attention. I've been hit on by guys, girls, strangers, bestfriends. Whatever you can think of, really. But I never get into it with anyone, because it's completely unnecessary.

I think that's enough about me, you get the gist. Let's move on to when everything changes. 

My Junior year had just started. It's was a few weeks into school, so everything situated. There were a few new kids that came to our school for God knows what reason - I wouldn't go to my school if I didn't have to. It's full of druggies, and we don't have anymore than 1,000 kids in total. I usually try to invite noobs in with a smile, but this year I was having some trouble. Not with all of them - just with one.

Her name was Rebecca Risks. Her name suited her well - she automatically came off as a little risky to me. She was so reserved. I tried to talk with her, and be friends, but she had created a titanium wall for herself. And I couldn't come up with any stealthy ways to break it down.. fun.

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 Authors Note:

Hey guys :) I know this is really short, but I guess you could call this a burst of passion put into writing. 

Just so you know, the title fits this chapter, and most likely will not fit upcoming chapters. I definitely don't want to write a completely depressing story, even though it'll have its moments.

I'm dedicating my first chapter to ItsKaitlynThough_ 

As soon as I began to read her story "Pieces of Us" I automatically knew I had to start writing. The feelings that derived from her book just killed me. This was basically the only way I could get them out.

I promise there will be way less about Isabella next chapter :)

I hope you like this, feel free to give me pointers because I reallyyy don't know what I'm doing. Thanks <3