Doubts (Poem)

After you canceled our dates

to stay with another women.

After I saw you with my own eyes...

kiss the other women.

I knew I was nothing to you.

You conformed my greatest worried..

thoughts ... doubts.

You were acting so strangely,

we were slowly growing apart.

You were done with me 

But i could never forget you

I couldn't bear to be alone

I couldn't bear to live alone

I couldn't bear any other prensence

so, I gave up

You were the only one for me

But you were done with me

I am truely alone.

Darkness would begin

and envelope my life

It would devour any positive thought

positive light.

It filedl me untill I overflowed

It closed off my appetite and opened up my skin

It cut my hair

It blackened my heart,

my mind and

swallowed me whole.

I was told to search for a fix...

but would I ?

Did i want a fix?

Others offered me drugs..

But I knew better

I have learned about these things

drugs...

but i have also learned that they help take you away from the world....

literally..

and I needed an escape.

If I couldn't be with you,

I wanted to be nowhere

What if I didn't want to continue living?

Would that help?

Would it cut the pain?

Would I stop missing you?

All of these feeling would disappear

Love me how I loved you

Just please,

come back to me

Love only me and no other women

but that can not be.

I am not your true love,

according to what I saw.

Even if you are my love

you have another

of your own.

She is special to you

but again

you are like my air.

Now I lay in the hospital bed and stare

Staring at the grey cieling

when you walked into the room.

For once after what felt like years

I started to see light

Then you approached me

"I was with  my mother the times I wasn't with you my love.

She was sick

and I am her only child.

Why would you ever doubt me"

His hands gently stroked my cheek

"Now I mightl lose you after losing my mother"

All I said was

"M..mother?" 

The doctor interjected

"Sometimes love is as blinding as hate...

and one flaw will evenyually swallow up every piece of light."

 I felt as my own flaws...

the lack of trust

held my heart in place.

And the last thing I ever saw again was my love's face.

In tears.

The cardiac monitor projected a steady heart beat...but quickly changed into a long line followed by a beeeeeep.

Just one,

only One

Black Thought ...