The End Where I Begin [Josh Devine]

*Just a quick note and warning thing before the story starts: this is my first fanfic on here. I've written a few on my instagram (cliffordangel) but not as long as this should be. I get a lot of josh devine feels and there aren't enough fanfics about him so here I am. A little warning is that there will be some mentions of self harm in this story. I will put chapter warnings for any scenes but it may be a recurring idea, so please don't read if you are easily triggered. Stay strong x*

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Chapter 1.

"Where are you?

And I'm so sorry.

I cannot sleep.

I cannot dream tonight."

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I Miss You - Blink-182

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"Babe I won't even be away for that long." Josh mutters into my hair as I cling onto his chest. "I'll be back before you know it."

"But..." I'm crying and it's hard to get the words out. "Australia... It's so far away." I sniffle into his jumper. "I don't want you to go." I sound like a stubborn five year old, but I don't care. I don't want to share my boyfriend with the rest of the world.

Josh peels me off his jumper and pulls it over his head, before putting it over my head. I wiggle my arms into the arm holes and role up the sleeves. It's a bit big but it smells just like him. "Whenever you miss me, just wear this." He smiles. "It looks cute on you." He pulls his beanie off his head as well, revealing messy hat hair, and pops that on my head. It falls over my eyes almost instantly and I have to push it back. "Is that enough to remind you of me?" He laughs. I don't reply, just wrap my arms around him and hold him tight, tears running down my face onto his t-shirt. He rests his chin on my hair. I start to speak but he calms me down. "Shhh baby girl. I'm going to miss you."

I cling onto his shirt, not wanting him to go. "Can't Ashton drum for One Direction?"

Josh laughs sadly. "Ash already has a band, the boys need me." I know it's true, but it isn't fair. "I won't be gone too long." I look up at him and he brushes a few strands of hair out of my face, tucking them beneath the beanie and kisses me. The kiss is salty from our tears but our soft lips meet tenderly and I have no intention of ever parting, but Josh's flight is called and we are forced to break apart.

He holds me one last time and just as he's walking away I stop him. "Josh," I whisper. He turns around for a moment. "Promise you'll never forget about me?" I whisper through my tears, now streaming down my face. "Promise you'll be mine forever and always?"

"Of course, baby girl. Forever and always." He kisses me one last time before disappearing into the crowd of people.

I watch him go, walking with Niall. He's laughing and smiling, but he doesn't seem happy. He walks slowly, hunched over. He's just as upset as I am.

I sit in the airport lounge watching planes take off until I see Josh and Sandy and Niall getting on the plane, just ahead of the other boys. He sees me waving through the huge window, it's a miracle. He blows me a kiss and waves to me once more before boarding the plane.

A single tear makes its way down cheek as I hug the jumper closer to myself, trying hard not to break down.

I hear my phone ringing, the special ringtone that I set for Josh. I reach quickly into the back pocket of my jeans and slide to answer the call. "Josh?"

"I forgot to tell you something, I love you baby girl. You're beautiful and you're all I'll ever need" His voice is crackling through the phone but I hear those words clearly.

"You're alright yourself." I hear him laugh, oh god I'll miss that laugh. "I love you too Devine. Don't let those screaming girls steal you away from me."

"Never in a thousand years. Forever and always?"

"Forever and always." I'm crying again.

"I have to go. I'm so sorry. The plane's about to take off. I'll call you tonight and every night after that. I love you."

"I love you too." I say it even though I know he's hung up. I put my phone in my back pocket and watch the plane leave, taking my the love of my life with it.

Josh's POV

I switch off my phone and slide it into my jeans pocket, staring out the window.

She's gone. Well, I'm gone. I've never left her before. I feel like a piece of me is missing, and sadly, I hope she feels the same. I hope she misses me, not enough to break again. I won't let her break, not again. "What if I can't stop her?" I say that out loud.

"Huh?" Niall interrupts my thoughts. "What if you can't stop her from what?" He looks slightly more worried than I've ever seen him.

"Shit, sorry Niall. You weren't meant to hear that." Niall doesn't know. I'm the only one. "Nothing."

Niall isn't one to give up. "What if you can't stop her from what?"

"Doesn't matter."

"It obviously does."

What am I supposed to say? I can't tell him. She wouldn't want me too. "It's nothing. I swear." He shrugs and turns to talk to Liam in the seat across the isle. "It's nothing." I repeat to myself. "It will all be okay." I'm trying to be sure of myself. "She's stronger than she seems."

Niall turns around again, eyes wide in panic. "She's stronger than she seems?" I curse under my breath. "Josh. Does she..?" He can't say it, but I know what he's thinking.

"Have to move her couch into our shared apartment? Yeah. I'm a bit worried she might hurt her back or something." I answer, it's a stupid excuse but Niall takes it anyway.

He shakes his head sympathetically and pats me on the back. "Mate. You worry too much."

I turn to face the window one last time, as the plane takes off, leaving Tess standing in the terminal in my jumper and beanie.

*thanks for reading the first part yay. like vote and share and comment and stuff idk how this works*