PHILOPHOBIA -
Philophobia is the fear of being in love and falling in love. The risk is usually when a person has confronted any emotional turmoil relating to love in the past but also can be chronic phobia.
This may sound like the most pathetic thing ever but I'm scared of falling in love; it's just the fact that you have to commit to them and the feeling of dread that comes along. How do you know if they really love you or even like you in the slightest?
I'm scared of giving my heart to someone who i know could be able to just shatter it in no time. i dont want to put my trust in someone, i just cant.
i broke up with my ex boyfriend because well he was an egomaniac and the pressure of being a teenage couple was just too much to handle. i still liked him - hell i still do now, a year later, but the feeling of having to pull yourself away because you knew it wouldnt work drove me crazy.
i found out a couple of weeks ago that he was talking to my bestfriend about me and calling me all sorts of unmentionable names and i just couldnt deal with it. i literally carry the guilt around with me everyday but try to keep it at bay and push a smile on my face.
the emotions that one put into a relationship are just simply too much. you let your heart go for just a fraction of a second and youre already attached, longing for the feel of him. and what happens once it doesnt work but you still undoubtedly have feelings for eachother yet you can feel in every fibre of your bones that it wont work out; someone breaks it and suddenly the i love you's turn into i hate you's. the smiles turn into tears and the dreams turn into nightmares.
relationships are such a complicated web of feelings that i try to pull myself away from but once my eyes even for the slightest bit catch a glimpse of you, i'm here, tumbling back down into the forbidden hole and it will take longer to pull myself up.
trying to convince yourself you dont even in the slightest bit like him is pathetic; i should know. i still remember the day he asked me out, when we held hands and more. how can i completely erase him from memory if i cant even forget the simplest of things. trust me i try, ive tried a hell of alot but it's like taunting me; the way i cant forget about him; hes everywhere, in my mind, my dreams and as funny as it sounds my school.
