Looking for happiness

Chapter 2

All the voices in Kevin's head told him that going to  Patrick was a crazy idea.

A huge mistake.

Just two days ago Patrick said that he couldn't trust him. Probably never even truly loved him. And... when they said their last goodbyes on that damned sidewalk, It seemed and felt so final. Kevin honestly thought that it was the last time he'd see Patrick Murray.

And against all logic. There he was. Outside of Patrick's old house. drawn there like a moth to a flame.
He didn't even know if Patrick was still in town and what he'll  say to him if he'll gain enough courage to actually knock on his door.  

All he knew was that instead of feeling devastated about Jon leaving him, about the hard truths that Jon told him about himself in the previous night , all he was really upset about and all he was actually  thinking about was...Patrick.

Patrick fucking Murray.

The thought of never seeing him again was overwhelming. Absurd. 
Sure, he hasn't seen Patrick for all those months when they were apart, and yeah, he got back together with Jon, but if he was honest with himself, truly honest, he always had this little hope  that one day Patrick will   come and knock on his door , after he'll realize what a huge mistake he's done and will come crawling back to him. 

But he didn't. Patrick wasn't back and after their meeting it was clear that he never will be.

Maybe if he'll just say to him one more time that he is willing to do everything to make it work. Then maybe he will see he is serious and will give them a chance? What has he got to lose anyway? He already lost Patrick... his dignity was already bruised after their meeting.. What can be the harm in humiliating himself one more time? at least he'll know he tried to do everything he possibly could. Maybe when he said he loved him when they met Patrick wanted to stop him from going but didn't because he knew Kevin was back together with Jon?  Wow, Kevin didn't even think about that possibility till now. Patrick really seemed overwhelmed and touched when Kevin offered him the Job at MDG. When Patrick asked him why would he do that for him and when Kevin said because he wants him to be happy cause he loves him- could it be that Patrick realized that Kevin was sincere and could be trusted after all? Maybe he didn't say anything just because of Jon? what if Patrick didnt think Jon was in the picture again? 

Suddenly Kevin's thoughts were interrupted by a voice calling his name.
For a second his heart jumped out of his chest, thinking it was Patrick.. Kevin turned around. 

but It was.... Patrick's friend Dom.

'What are you doing here?', Dom asked, not looking very happy to see him.

'I am looking for Patrick. Is he still in town?'

'I don't think you being here is a good idea Kevin..',  Dom said in a very protective tone. 

Kevin didn't want to argue with him. He was one of Patrick's best friends..
'I respect that Dom. But...I need to see him. Is he still in town or not?'

'Yes. He is. He went to buy some groceries and he should be back soon. '

Kevin's heart raced. HE is here. Patrick is still here. he can come back at any moment. 'Thank you. Then I'll wait for him.'

'I....Kevin it's not a good idea... He is..'

'Dom..', Kevin cut him off. 'Look, I know we didn't really had a chance to talk to each other in the past and I can only imagine what you must think of me..

'Kevin...that's not it...I...'

'You probably think that I'm the biggest cheating piece of shit there is after the way Patrick and I started, but I can assure you I'm not. I mean I did cheat on my boyfriend but it wasn't...', Kevin sighed. 'What I felt for Patrick was so fucking real .... What I still feel for him..', Kevin looked at him as he bit his lower lip.
Usually, he wasn't into letting people know his business at all. But the look on Dom's face was... awful. He had to make himself clear. He knew that Patrick was influenced a lot by his friends and they were like a family to him.

'Kevin..you are right. I always thought you are bad news for him. And when you broke up I wasn't really sad. But that's not why I think you should go.', Dom paused for a moment before he continued.
'Patrick went with someone. He is not alone.'

'Not alone? ', Kevin asked confused.

'He's with Richie', Dom said quietly.

Kevin's heart sank.
'What do you mean WITH Richie?', He asked hoping that he didn't hear right, His breath turned heavier with each passing second.

'They got back together .', Dom said. Throwing an arrow straight into Kevin's heart.

'I see..', Kevin could feel his heart was about to explode.

When did this happen? Oh god..Patrick didn't mention this when they met..

But it didn't matter anymore. Everything was over. Patrick was with .... Richie?

'As I said. They should come here any minute so I think it's best if you'll leave now'

'Of course..',  Kevin was barely able to face Dom. All he wanted to do in that moment was to get the hell away from there.

As he was about to leave, he felt the urge to know - 'Can I ask you something before I go?'

'Hmm.. What?', Dom said softly.  Kevin must have looked horrible because he felt that suddenly  Dom saw him in a different light. As he really was. A man who just realized that he lost the love of his  life  and not as a piece of shit that he always thought he was.

'Does he seem.. happy with him?..I mean You think is he happy?', Kevin asked and as the words came out of his mouth, he  could no longer hold his tears anymore. 

'I think so...I really do.', Dom answered quietly with half a smile.

'Good..', Kevin wiped away his tears and cleared his throat.  'Hmmm. Do me a favor.. Don't tell him I was here, ok? There's no point now when...'

'OK... I won't', Dom nodded.

'Thank you...Well... take care of him for me..', Kevin said. His voice broke a little.

Dom smiled. 'That's my job. I will always take care of him'

'I know. You and Agustin are the true loves of his life. Any man who is lucky enough to be with him will always come third...'

Dom smiled softly at him. 

Kevin stared at Dom and then started walking away. 

'Hey Kevin?', He heard Dom calling him.

He turned around .

'He was wrong about you...wasn't he? I never believed  you were sincere before....But... You did mean what you said to him, didn't you? that you'll be monogamists .. that you'll change for him...'

Kevin smiled weakly and sighed. ' I meant every single word .. i never meant anything more in my life ... '

Dom looked at him. 'I'm sorry it didn't happen for you...'

'Thank you ..' , he paused for a second. 'Just make sure he will be happy ,OK? convince him to move back to San Francisco and leave Denver. He should be here with you guys.'

'He is actually leaving with Richie to Texas..'

'What?', Kevin shook his head. 

'I'm sorry.. I don't know why I told you that. You probably don't want to hear it.'

'Hmm... no.. it's OK. I'm just a little surprised that's all... actually, when you think of it , it doesn't matter where you are, as long as you are with someone you love, right? I just hope he finally found what he was looking for..', Kevin said. 

 'Well i  should go... Goodbye Dom.'

'Bye Kevin. I hope you'll find that too..'

Kevin smiled to him and left.

He Knew he will never find "it" .