Ten Reasons NOT to Fall in Love With a Bear

Reason #2

Reason #2

                Joey was in the shower for almost two hours. I imagined that by the time he got out, the water was freezing cold. Stupid bears. His clothes were almost dry at that point, much to my dismay. The cocky bear deserved to wear wet clothes.

                When he finally came down, his head was wrapped in a towel and he was wearing my pink bathrobe. He started whistling a tune as he plopped down next to me.

                “Are you wearing my pink robe?” I glowered at him.

                “Yup.”

                “Are you wearing anything under it?”

                “Wanna find out?”

                I shook my head and rubbed my temples. “Now I’m gonna have to burn it and get a new one,” I moaned.

                “Why?”

                “Because you’re free balling it in my robe! You will buy me a new one!”

                He pouted. “I don’t have any money.”

                “Too freaking bad! You will get me a new robe.” I fixed him with a glare before turning back to the TV. “Your clothes should be dry by now,” I told him.

                “Thanks,” He stood up.

                I fumed while I watched TV. Joey was gone for a while. Eventually, I got so afraid for my refrigerator that I went to find him. I searched in the kitchen, the laundry room, the bathroom, the bedrooms, the coat closet, the porch. He was nowhere to be found. Maybe he fell into the dryer. One could hope…

                Soon, I got tired of searching and just accepted that he disappeared. For some reason, this made me sad. Who would’ve known? You can miss a guy who eats your food and uses all your hot water and your pink bathrobe.

                He made me laugh…

                I walked upstairs and went into my room, stripping off my clothes and slipping into my fleece pajama pants and a tank top. I flopped down on my bed, turned on the TV and burrowed into my blanket. I was pretty content… until I felt something move and grabbed my hip.

                “I enjoyed the peepshow.”

                I shrieked and jumped out of bed. “Why are you in my room?”

                “I thought we were playing hide and seek!” He replied sarcastically.

                “Get out!” I grabbed my pillow and started whacking him with it. “Get out of my bed, you stupid bear!”

                “Ah, come on. You know you want to cuddle. I’m like a giant teddy bear.” He climbed out of bed wearing only his boxers. 

                “Put on some clothes!” I cried.

                “But I can’t sleep in my clothes.” He stared at me like I was insane.

                “Get out!” I screamed again.

                He pouted and glared at a spot on the floor. “Fine, but can I at least sleep on the floor?”

                I resisted the urge to bang my head against the wall. It sounded like a good idea... “Yeah, sure, fine, whatever.” I crawled back into bed and threw a pillow at his head.

                “Do I get a blanket too?”

                “No.”

                “What if I get cold?”

                “Put on your clothes.” I rolled over in my bed to face the TV. I swore that if I found him in my bed at any time of the night, he would never have children.

                Second reason not to fall in love with a bear? They invade your personal space.