Gone Mad

+ Positive +

It was raining outside. It's always crappy out in New York. Well, at least when you live in the city. I was already late from work and now I had this weather to deal with. I just needed to get home to Paige. I had told her that we could have date night tonight. It was the first time in a long while that I wasn't going to work all night. I knew she was looking forward to tonight, and now I was late. I knew I would be in deep trouble when I got home, so I thought I'd stop and get her some flowers. As I walked down the flooded streets with my bouquet of drenched roses, I could see my apartment light on. I knew Paige was in there, angry, but still beautiful. She would always dress up even if we were staying in. She really cared about her looks like that.
I finally reached the lobby where I could take a break from the rain from outside. I walked over to the elevator to find that it was out of order. Just my luck. I had no choice but to take the 8 flights of stairs to get to my apartment. Just more time for Paige to run through her speech I knew she would lecture me with when I stepped through the door. At least these flowers will help a little, even if they are drowning in water. Each step was a stab in my chest, just ruining my night even further. I finally reached my apartment. 185. The numbers were a dull gold color and the 5 was falling off so you could see a pale outline of where it once was. It reminded me of when I first moved in. I was so young and happy then. What happened? Sure, I had Paige in there now, but I still feel like I was happier when it was just me and my hopeful spirit. I guess that's just me wishing I was young again. I don't know. I flipped through my keychain for a bit until I got the right key to unlock the door. I opened the door and was welcomed with a pissed off Paige staring at me from her chair to a set table. The candle in the middle of the table had been burning for a while and was dying now. I felt like the candle. I walked in and gave her the drenched flowers.

"You think you can just get off the hook with some cheap roses? You are so late! Where were you?"

"I got held up at work and then the rain slowed me down. I'm sorry babe."

"Sorry isn't going to cut it anymore. You are always at work. This night was supposed to be about us! It's the one night you said you wouldn't work all night, and here you are late from, you guessed it, work! All I asked of you was that you payed attention to me for one night, Seth, and you couldn't even give me that!"

I felt defeated. I knew why she was mad. I promised her love and affection tonight, and I took that for granted. I never give her the time she deserves. I looked into her dark brown eyes. They were so beautiful, but I caused them to start to fill with tears. I knew she probably spent hours on her makeup, the makeup she did just for me, and now I was ruining that too.

"Seth, I don't know how I can stay with you. I really tried to make things work, but you simply can't focus on me! You are too invested in work! I know you work to keep us afloat and I appreciate that you want to take care of us, but I need more than just a place to live and food to eat. I need love, Seth. You may be able to provide what I need to live, but you can't provide me with what I need to enjoy that life."

"I'm sorry Paige. I've failed you. I'm...I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say to make things better. I want you to stay, I really do. What can I do to save us? I'll do anything! Please!"

"And I want us to stay together too, and I really wish we could. Not just for me!"

"Wait, what are you talking about? Who else would want us together?"

Paige had never mentioned anything important lately. She mentioned not getting enough attention, but this seemed like there was something, or someone else. Like, there was something that made her want to stay with me more than just love.

"Look, Seth, there's something I've been putting off and it's one of the reasons I made this might so special. I really needed to tell you something important for a while now."

"What the hell could it be? Tell me, Paige, please. What is going on? Who else are you talking about?"

"I'm...I'm...I'm pregnant! Ok? I wanted you to try and leave work and spend time with me, not only because I wanted attention, but also because I needed to see if you could be here for your child. If you can't even pay attention to me, how can I bring a child into the world where they won't even have a father that can watch and care for them?"

I didn't know what to say. I was in total shock. I had no idea she was pregnant. She didn't tell me sooner? How was I supposed to know I had something so important on the line when she told me we had this date? How? When? Why? I was so confused. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Not only did I disappoint and fail Paige, but also my unborn child. I can't be a father. She doesn't trust me. I...I don't trust myself. I can't even be there for Paige. But I can't just abandon her! I have to try and make things right!

"Paige! I can change! I want to be here with you, and the baby! I know I can be a father, just give me a chance to prove it!"

"Seth, I've given you so many opportunities to show me that you could be there for me and give me love and affection, and you failed every single time. I can be broken by you, but I'm not going to let this baby feel that pain. I'm not bringing this child into a world where their father won't be there for them. I'm sorry, but I've made up my mind. I really wanted you to show up on time tonight, so I could tell you the good news and I could know that I was doing the right thing by letting you be a dad, but it just didn't work out that way. I'm sorry, but I think I'm going to go. I'm going to find a new apartment of my own. I'll pack up my stuff tonight. I think it would be best if you slept somewhere else just for tonight."

I could see the tears start to trickle down her soft face. I caused that. I began to feel tears of my own form in the corners of my eyes. I was going to say something to Paige, but nothing came out. What was I going to say? I'm sorry? That's been said so many times I don't even think it would mean anything to her anymore. At least if it's coming from my mouth. Everything Paige had said was true. I can't be a father if I can't even be there for the love of my life. I knew why Paige was doing what she was doing, and I agreed with everything she said about me. Every hurtful word. Yet, I still wanted her. I still wanted to be a father. It still hurt. I decided to leave for the night and leave her alone. I'd done enough to hurt her, she didn't need me to try to say anything more. So without taking anything more than the clothes on my back, and the tears in my eyes, I walked out of the apartment. As I closed the door and took my first steps out of her sight, I could hear her cry. It was the hardest thing to hear. I caused it. I caused the love of my life to cry like that! I'm a monster. I continued to walk down the hall and the stairs out into the rain. Once I felt the rain start to fall on me again, I began to cry. At least in the rain you can't tell that my tears ran down my face and hit the ground. My glasses were so covered in water that I couldn't even see out of them, but that was ok. I didn't need to see anything, because I didn't even know where I was going. Where does a man like me, no, I'm no man, where does a monster like me go? I had no idea, so I just walked down the water covered streets blinded by my own tears. I had nothing. Now, I was walking off into nothingness where I belong.

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Thanks for reading, this is just the beginning of what I hope will be an interesting love story with a dark twist. Please stay for more parts, I plan on adding daily and it will continue for a while. Thanks