When I'm Gone

Sometimes when we think that we have it all is when we are totally wrong. We don't have anything or anyone. I self-harm because the fact of loving someone with all my heart brought me everything but happiness . He left , for no reason and without an explanation. It hurt so bad , I gave him my virginity, my trust, my heart and everything I had , I gave it to him because I thought that he was the perfect one. We used to be a perfect relationship the first two months. After that, things changed a lot between us.

Everything went from bad to worst. Sometimes he was my friend and sometimes my enemie. That was the way it was. I wanted to be with him even if it jutted because of knowing that he didn't love me the way that he used to . We broke up. We went out for 9 months. The last time I saw him , he went to my house and the same day that he went to my house, I realized that he was going out with another girl. It broke my heart even more. I felt useless and worthless . I cut myself again. That time was even worst because I wanted him only for me and for no body else. I cried a lot for him and I still do. I still can't accept the fact that we ain't together anymore. I loved him and I always will. Maybe I'm such a dumb girl because of trying to fix things between us when everyone knows that that will never happen again. He's my first love and people say that the first love you'll never forget it.

He don't know that he is the reason why I self-injure. I think he has no idea. I don't know why this is happening because I did everything I could to show him that I really loved him.

I lost a baby from him. Maybe he left because he blamed me. I will always be waiting for him. But if he decides to come back , I hope I would be still in love with him. Because when I'm gone I'll never come back.

He be treating me like a piece of shit now. He has a new girl. I told him that I was in a hospital because of cutting and suicidal thoughts and he didn't care.He just said "ok" ... Maybe I should stop making him love me. I should move on already. But it would be too late WHEN IM GONE.

By. Alejandra Rodriguez