philophobia | ereri

1 | eunoia

His mind.

All the thoughts that's dancing through his mind. Everything he's seen, everything he's witnessed. It must be frightening.

I want to know what's going on, but it's hard to catch those thoughts. Levi isn't much of a person who share his personal opinion with others. Not even to his best friend.

Me.

But when the shortie actually get talkative, he can talk for a whole night. And that's one of the favorite things I know about. Listening to the words stumbling out of his mouth as they slowly walk on his lips.

While I sit next to him, my head leaning on my hands as I admire his way of talking. Seeing all his different emotions that he either express with his eyes or his voice.

eunoia
(n.) beautiful thinking; a well mind

"I want to travel the world." Levi that was sitting in front of me, suddenly spoke up.

"You're twenty three years old, Levi. You can travel the world if you want" he was looking out the window, thinking.

"It's kinda hard"

"I don't see what's so hard, you can just take your car and start driving through the United States. It's not exactly the whole world, but it is something"

"I know" he mumbled.

"Then what's stopping you?" he got quiet. This is basically how the conversations end. He come up with something and then it end up with not giving sense. He just stop when it comes to his own thoughts or something else.

Like he's hiding something.

"It's complicated" and that, that is always what he ends with.

It's complicated.

I've always known Levi have been hiding things from me. I try to get things out of him sometimes, but it's not really easy.

"It can't be that complicated" a little smile was tugging on his lips, but it seemed more sad. It looked like he knew everything and I had no idea about what was going on. And that was exactly what was going on. Me being clueless as ever.

It's been like that for sixteen years now. Levi and I were seven when we first met. It was a dark, rainy day and I was on my way from school. And thanks to destiny, the flimsy kid was sitting on the streets, his head on his knees as his arms was holding around his legs.

"Are you okay?" his red-shot eyes, from crying, lit up at me. He slowly shook his head. I put my umbrella over him and gave him a genuine smile. Something flickered in his eyes and a little smile stumbled across his face.

Ever since that day, Levi and I have stayed together. My parents wasn't really sure about making him stay at our house, but they didn't have the heart to send him to a orphanage. So when we turned eighteen we bought our own apartments and lived separately. And whenever we have time, we find something to do together when we're bored.

"Everything is always complicated in your life" I got kinda annoyed with the same thing happening in sixteen years. "When I think about it, I actually don't know much about you."

"Stop talking bullshit, Eren" haha, he called me by my name. That doesn't happen often. It's mostly 'idiot' or 'shitface'. Something near that

"Well, it's true."my voice raised a little, while he was calm as always. "I barely know anything about your family, nor what you have used your time on while you just run off somewhere, not coming home for days, without notifying. And it's been like that for many years"

"You have nothing to do with it." he mumbled.

"Nothing to- are you fucking with me?!" I completely lost it. "I care about you Levi, but that doesn't mean I have to turn my head around whenever you walk away. But I worry my ass off and you don't get it."

The same smile that appeared on his lips five minutes ago was there again now. It was still a smile but his eyes still screamed sorrow.

"Eren." I wish he could say my name more often. "You idiot, you think you're the only one that cares. You don't know it but every time I've ran off, it's to protect you."

What is he even talking about?

"Wha- huh? What are you talking about?" he raised up from his chair looking serious as ever.

"One day you'll understand" and with that he left the room.

And when is that day?

-

First chapter, it wasn't really long, nor interesting but... I hope you want to keep reading this. Hehe, okay