Author's Notes

Idiot

 I don't know how to word this.

I'm a complete and utter imbecile.

Things need to be repeated to me over and over again for me to finally understand, and nobody seems to have the patience for that. My sickeningly low intelligence level causes me pain, because my mind will never be at its full potential and be able to comprehend the slightest of things.

I'm just stupid, aren't I?

Sometimes I get things right, and those times I will express my exultation greatly and only bother others. They don't realize how sparse it is for me to have small accomplishments... But I guess that's okay. My peers either don't respond to my joyous actions or give me dumbfounded stares.. Or just straight out abolish my fulfillment with their deeds whom greatly surpass those I've done. And I feel... Incompetent.

I feel unworthy. It makes me perceive reality, the reality where every single person is better than me in some way. Somebody will always be better than me, and I never better than anybody. I wouldn't want to be better than anybody else, I'd rather have those people above me because even though I loathe, I don't desire for anyone to be capable of feeling the same way I do. 

I'd rather have them be cheerful.

There are so many people that astoundingly exceed my work, my attempts, my actions, they exceed me. The differences I attempt to make, the output I undertake, it's not a thing compared to what other's are capable of doing. And it makes me feel oh so very infinitesimal. 

Everyone is better than me.. Aren't they?

Why has it taken me so long to finally become aware of this?

I really am just an idiot. 

If I were to just disappear off the very facade of this planet, it would keep moving. It wouldn't stop for a nobody, so it wouldn't stop for me. Everything keeps on moving when you're gone, and those people who greatly surpass me would be able to sort of replenish the minuscule amount of slack I'd leave for them to pick up. But, other than that, I realize my passing wouldn't affect anybody in any way. I'm a completely asinine human, who can't even compare to those around her. If I were gone, it wouldn't make any difference. 

Because somebody will always be better than me, the idiot.