Luke's POV
We are currently on our way to a radio interview. Michael is sleeping as usual, and Calum and Ashton are telling jokes. If I wasn't in the band, Ashton would be in more hell than he already is. I always have to watch him. He's a mess. Nobody would even know because of how good he is at covering things up. Ashton has done some pretty bad shit to himself. I'm not going to go too far into that though. None of the other boys know about this I've been trying help Ashton a lot more lately. It seems that he's been acting different a little bit. I'm not going to worry about it too much.
We were in the studio and about to leave to go back to the house. We're currently in LA for some writing and to just get a break from the tour. Once we got back to the house all of the boys ran into the kitchen to get some food. Calum and Michael made sandwiches for everyone. Everyone was rushing the food down their mouths. Ashton seemed really happy for once. I find myself watching him continuously. Making sure that he's still actually here. I've been having nightmares about Ashton trying to commit suicide.
"What are you thinking about?" Michael says and snaps me back to reality.
"Oh, uh um..Nothing.." I said in a confused voice. Michael and Ashton have me a weird look.
I looked back across to the other side of the table were Ashton was sitting. It looked like he was trying to not think about things by the way he was creasing his eyebrows. He's getting me really worried about him. The rest of the night Ashton is really silent. He's either exhausted or is about to give in. Once we walk into the living room we all look at each other besides Ashton. Calum and Michael knows that there's probably something up with him by the way they look at me. I feel tense. Everyone goes upstairs and tries to ignore everything. I just can't get it off of my mind. I don't want Ashton to do anything to himself, he can't do that. I'm really tired but I have to stay up after Ashton to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.
Calum comes into the room and comes over to bed which is on the other side of the room. "Are you all right? You've been a little..well..off lately." Calum says in a whisper. "it's not like you to miss a practice or not to go to the studio with us."
"everybody makes mistakes once in their lives", Ashton whispers to himself loud enough for me to hear. He knows exactly why I missed it and he won't make eye contact with me. That's when I start gimping to conclusions.
"Uh yeah, I've just been really tired lately. That's all." I say to quickly cover up the situation before things start to get more awkward than they already are. "Alright, go to bed." Calum said as he left the bedroom.
"I know exactly what you're thinking." Ashton says in a monotone voice.
I glance at him with a slight pout, "I know you know what I'm thinking about" there's a 30 second pause. "please Ash, don't do it." I look at him with pleading eyes.
"I won't, I promise"
I walk over to Ashton and put my hand on his shoulder. I don't want to let go. I don't want him to leave my side. I then embrace him in a hug. Whenever I touch him he's warm. I could feel his heart beating against my chest like it wants to burst out and run away. I know he'll do it again, I just know.
"Luke, I won't cut tonight" while I'm still hugging him.
He takes himself out of the hug and pats the blank spot next to him. He smiles at me. I take my smiley face shirt off and climb into the bed bed and put my arms around him. My chin is above his head since I'm taller than him. I want to keep him embraced in my arms and never let him go. He probably sees it as a friendly gesture and nothing serious. Sometimes I wish it was.
I fall asleep with a sleeping Ashton in my arms afraid to let go, like the world is depending on him waking up by my side still embraced in my long arms around his torso.
It does.
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Hey guys! Thank you if you are reading this! I've worked really hard on this and I hope y'all like it. I'll probably update either tomorrow or Saturday! I plan on making this a really good fanfic for y'all to read! (:
