Forever and Always - BoyxBoy -Complete-

28

Jake

Sometimes I always ask myself if this is Daniel’s way of keeping himself away from me. That we should keep ourselves far from each other so that we’ll even miss each other. Heck I know what’s going inside his head, more so on what he thinks of me so far. His first reaction to me I guess is that I’m the bad guy and Kean is his hero. Who wouldn't think of that way, as well? I did punch Kean in front of him but still the bastard ignored it and felt like nothing happened, like it does happen to him every time.Oh yeah. Daniel used to tell you about that, his so called ‘crush’ is beaten up again by Mark and his group. The hell I care if he gets those, he deserves it anyways, for taking somebody’s possession and if it was me… Okay, Daniel wouldn’t want it.

Since the first time he or we saw Kean, I was kind of jealous in an instant. He would notice all the things he would do, his appearance, how Dan would describe it as cool. Me, I don't find any of those special and important and then he would say "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as the saying goes Jake Andrews." accompanying it with some gestures. And then from there our argument goes on and on for the whole day. It didn't hurt us talking about those stuff before, it was just a simple thing that we thought would just pass by and disappear. But that is where we were wrong.

"Ugh! This is freaking me out!" punching through the thin-wooded wall in my room. I never would have thought this day would come that I have to feel totally miserable at all, whether it’s time for me to give up on everything I’ve been living through and let it go so easily or to keep it with me til I finally end up with my first option. I am now running out of options. There's no other way for me to run and hide these things away from the people I care about. They'd probably soon notice that I am getting more and more somehow violent than I used to be just because of one reason, that I have gone too far to deal with such problems or situations on my hands. And losing Dan is just one part of it or it is the whole thing I worry about.

I shouldn't panic at all, but it's like something is dragging me on that side, more likely pushing me into it than I try to resist its call. It sort of forces me to give in and give up almost all those ideals or whatever you call it. That unknown side convinces me to surrender Daniel into the hands of a total stranger, a loser if I may call him. Is this what he meant that he wanted some space before? All of these for his freedom and to be with some bastard in exchange for me? Heh, he wouldn't even last a day if ever I got into him and start pulping every shit he has til he drops dead. Eventually, I'd still found myself the loser someday instead of him.

A week since the accident had happened and it seemed like it was only yesterday that it happened, no wonder I'd been having some strange dreams and a few dislikes on some stuff, most of them of course are involved with girls I guess, more like a traumatic experience for me when I encounter one, yet so inevitable to meet one along the way. Luckily, I haven't seen Kim around, giving me more space to breathe in relief. It's better this way, to avoid any contact with girls and as much as possible, not to have any conversations with them. A few problems to be dealt with and slowly they are just fading into black.

Five days had passed since I tried to make Daniel believe that I'm his boyfriend, since I saw him sitting on Kean's lap which did cracked my cup of patience and everything that he needed to know more about us, all the things we've done in the past, the drama, all the promises and almost everything I need to mention to him that I could think of, just to convince him and myself that we're still together, that this is simply a trial on our relationship. He is as stubborn as hell and he wouldn't want to believe in all of them. He would tell me that I'm making all of those up for the sake of my own purposes.

And that lead me to think once more, if I should really give up on it, if I have no more chance of bringing him back to where he should belong, that I have to move on instead of staying from where I'm standing. That also brings me back to my question beforehand and I think I may have answered it for myself.

"Damn it! I need to clear my head up now!" angrily shoving away all the papers on top of my desk. I feel frustrated, disturbed, unable to think clearly and most of all, lost. I need to speak to someone right now. Maybe Paul would help me. "Hey, need someone to talk to?" Paul stood there by the door, leaning against it and a smile on his face, probably amused to what I look like now. "Speaking of the devil, I was just... well thinking of talking to you, on what I should do, if I should move on from here, surrender everything, more or less giving up." I calmly set myself on the couch and invited Paul to sit beside me. "What brings you here, anyways? I don't remember inviting you over."

"Well I just thought of talking to you as well and weekend is a very good timing to talk about things. You look so broken these days. Has it been so bad whenever you come to talk to Daniel?" He asked, sitting on the couch right across mine. "More like he never wanted to go back on how things were." I replied. "Idiot, you simply concluded on that bases, tck. Anyways, can you tell me about Kean? He seems to be quite close to Daniel and well, just curious, does he have a crush on him or the other way?" 

"Let's put it both ways I guess. I know Daniel had or has a slightest crush on him and he kept on talking to me about it. Obviously, I was ignoring it and Kean, I don't have any ideas about it, though you may conclude it that way. I'm not bothered-"

"You are bothered," he exclaimed as his body leaned forward, "I can tell from the way you spoke about him and Daniel." He responded quite hitting the exact point that I've been trying to conceal. "Well, I guess there is no hiding it away from you, right?" 

"As I said, I'll make you tell me everything that there is I need to know. I'm going to get everything I wanted." He then moved to my side and rubbed my back as I bowed my head down. "Hey, everything's going to be fine. Maybe, give him a little bit more time to think things over. I guess we'll have to wait patiently till his memories come back."

"There's no time left for me Paul and I've done a lot of waiting. I had already made a decision before to prove things to him but it seemed useless. I wanted to give up now, on all of those. I stand no chance if this will go on." Tears softly fell on my cheeks as my memories with Daniel started to flashback. Paul pulled me closer to him and hugged me tightly. My soul is even silently weeping for me, like he didn't want to surrender that one hope I've been trying to stand firmly. "Jake..." His kind voice, almost exactly the same as Daniel when he's comforting me the only difference is that a kiss soon follows it, trailed off to my ears.

"Paul, I think I should move on now. This is what he wants even before and he only waits for me to make the move. I guess, situations and people's feelings change over time. That's why probably, I should focus on the future. I hate to say this but..."

"Whatever it is you're going to say, I don't want to hear it." He will not like what I'm going to say but I have to tell him about it. "But, I have to Paul. It will continue to hurt me if I don't do this. I'll give up on Daniel now." swallowing all my pride as those words came out of my mouth, shocking Paul at the same time. "Jake, after this there is no turning back, so I'm going to ask you again. Are you really willing to do it?"

"I..." An image of Daniel suddenly flashed in my mind, standing in front of me saying those three words, those three words that once meant so much to me but now feels empty.  "I'm sure Paul."