A Wish For A Smile [Ch.5]

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In Which Alfred Remembers All Requests But The Fifth, And Sir Francis Is Not Happy

It was nearing evening when Alfred finally reached the wizard's cottage. He tried to enter through the front door, but found it to be some sort of immovable metal instead of the usual wood. He tried the windows, but they were all locked. With no other choice, he climbed onto the roof of the cottage and crawled towards the chimney.

"Excuse me!" he called down. "If you have a fire going, I would very much appreciate it if you put it out right now!"

And then he slid down the chimney.

It was a bit cramped on the way down, but the trip thankfully was not long. When Alfred crawled out of the fireplace (which, most fortunately, did not have a fire lit in it), he found himself being stared at by the Royal Wizard Arthur.

"Hello!" said Alfred.

"You really did..." muttered Arthur, as if he could not believe his eyes. "I heard you on the roof, and I said to myself, 'There is not a person alive who is foolish enough to actually come down the chimney.' There you have it, something new can be learned every day. Truly, the idiocy of mankind knows no bounds."

"I'm sorry to intrude," said Alfred, and he did look so sorry that even the cynical Arthur found himself believing it. "I came here for something, but I can not seem to recall what..."

"Oh, bloody hell," grumbled Arthur, preparing himself for yet another damned request to smile.

"Ah! That was it!" cried Alfred, snapping his fingers. "I was asked by several people to seek your advice on some matters for them."

Well. That was different. "That's it?" Arthur asked. "You're... quite sure?"

Alfred frowned. "I believe so. I can't think of anything more important than those requests."

"Oh, well if you're sure..." Arthur was torn. On one hand, he had retired from being the Royal Wizard, and vowed to never again use his magic for the trivial things the kingdom pestered him for. On the other hand, it was only advice, and the boy wasn't as annoying as the other people who had come to try to cheer him up. He at least was asking for nothing for himself, and Arthur hadn't seen anyone do that in quite some time. And, the sardonic side of the wizard thought, he seemed gullible enough to be amusing. Lord knew that it had been so long since anything had amused Arthur. "Very well, what do you wish to know?"

"As I was walking here, I met a woman working in the stables," said Alfred. "She wanted nothing more than to be happily in the arms of a man."

Arthur snorted derisively at that. Of course someone would ask for his help with that! "Have her lick a frog, if that's all she wants," he said scornfully.

"Really?" asked Alfred. "Is that it?"

Arthur's eyebrows went up. Did the lad really not hear that ever word of his answer was dripping with sarcasm? "Erm...yes," he said. "Really, that's all that needs to be done."

"How odd! I thought that it was usually kissing that did the trick!"

"That's...only with magical animals."

"Oh, I see! Thank you!" cried Alfred. "Can you solve the other problems as easily?"

I certainly can, Arthur thought. This really will be entertaining!

Aloud, he said "Well, it will depend. What are the problems?"

"As I continued on my journey, I came across a squire. He was a kind fellow, but no one could realize it. He wanted to know what he could do to impress upon other people his noble intentions."

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