My shower thoughts

Am I alone?

Now what I'm about to say may make you think I'm depressing and selfish. And if you do think that way, please, spare me your bullshit and stop reading. Sorry.

Sometimes, all I want and need is to be alone. Just isolated from people all around me. No drama, no communication, no internet and no ways of distraction. I don't even want books.

Alright maybe one or two..

No. No books. Nothing to replace reality.

Just a month -or maybe more- of just my and my thoughts.

Although overthinking ruins happiness and causes depressing and all that. Sometimes, you just gotta, you know? You can't keep distracting yourself from all the real problems in your life. You can't just "let it be". You gotta do something about it.

You gotta rethink your life choices. The bad things you did, stuff you're embarrassed about even thinking about, all those cringy moments, bad decisions, happy moments, everything.

Being alone may not be the perfect and easy way to do that, but for me, i find it the only way.

Do you ever feel alone around people? Or like suffocated around people who usually make you happy?

Yeah, you love them and they care about you, but you just don't know what it is, it just feels wrong and different sometimes.

One moment you're laughing and enjoying your time and then the second, you're just.. Not sure anymore. Nothing bad happened, nobody said anything, you're just suddenly not feeling it anymore.

Is it selfish that i want to be left alone for a little while? Is it selfish that I'd worry those who may care about me? Is it selfish that I don't even want to contact them?

Is it selfish that i want them to miss me for a little while?

Am I just too weird and.. A loner? Or just too moody?

I might i don't know.. It's just how I'm feeling these couple of weeks and i'm hoping it'll go away soon..

Just wanted to write down my thoughts and.. I don't know, see if I'm the only weirdo here?

- Curious as ever, logging out of the bathroom x