light | m.c.

week xx | black

on monday i found myself staring at the same bland walls i once stared at for months on end. things were getting bad again.

on tuesday my mom came over to plan alex's sweet sixteen. through the four painful hours, my mind was somewhere else, thinking of somewhere better - happier.

on wednesday the day was longer than they have been in a while and for some reason, i continued to see shadows of abigail and my little brother wherever i went.

on thursday we celebrated alex's sixteenth birthday with our family and friends. they were all ecstatic to hear she passed her drivers test.

on friday alex and i visited abigail. i watched as alex sat there for what felt like hours, telling her mother about the past year and how grateful she is. i couldn't help but feel as though abbie were standing next to me the entire time; it was almost as if she had never left.
before leaving, i placed a bouquet of roses on the grave of my little brother, tracing his name with my cold fingers.

on saturday i wrote.

everyone has scars. we just don't wear them all on the outside.

on sunday i woke up to a pang in my chest. my world was falling apart and i felt as though i was drowning. i knew i had people in my life who loved me, but how could they truly love me if i didn't love myself? the demons were arising day after day, and no amount of pills or potions could fix me. i could only fix myself.

i suddenly couldn't breathe; i couldn't feel; i was numb. i could only see the crimson running down my arms in a vertical pattern; the gentle face of my little brother appeared before everything turned black.

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hello yes! i did not fall off the face of the earth and i sincerely apologize for not being active for a few months. life has been crazy lately and i have holiday break coming up soon so i'll see you more then!