𝐁𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐅. karma akabane

「37th period」: rehabilitation time

sorry for the late update, because of school, i've been quite busy for the past week (and i may get busier next week especially) please bear with me.

I R O H A I N U K A I
犬飼 彩葉
student no. 29

The funny thing about life was how dying made you want to live, and living made you want to feel otherwise. If anything, the latter one was even more applicable than the first.

I couldn't help but writhe in pain. Pain, pain, fucking excruciating pain. Lately, that was the only thing I could feel. Either I was getting worse, or I was too immune to the pain killers. A daily dosage was tactless after all.

"We'll run the next round after the break" their head, the man who adopted me, announced before turning to me, "Iroha, take your time to rest".

I was released and relieved of the cold cuffs that bound me on the lab table. Rubbing my wrists at the slight touch of pain from the treatment, got me thinking. The reaper was right. I was exactly what one would call a lab rat.

I could barely even deny it. Everything just felt so experimental.

So artificial.

Maybe that was the thing. It was all so artificial that for a moment, I almost believed that everything was real.

But it wasn't, because this lab only proved that my countdown has started. And they're all trying their best to achieve the impossible, to reverse it.

✖︎●✖︎

Never in my life have I felt remorse for others. I was used to it, being alone. I was too used to it, to solitude, that I couldn't bear anyone trying to pry my walls apart.

I built them brick by brick, with cement when I had to, but the only one who managed to destroy them, other than Class E, was my brother.

Oh, was he good at it.

He practically rammed them over. Haru was the type of person who was to persistent to leave someone alone. And that was only one of the details that supported how my brother was my savior.

He was my savior and yet I killed him. Destroyed what was supposed to be his.

The first time I shed tears were when my brother saved me. No, it wasn't because of the fact that everyday was painful. It was because, for once, I was so numb and I hated myself for it.

Every move, every touch used to tear my mind apart. It was never that excruciating. But everyone has their breaking points, and that was mine.

Back then, I could barely even see. The side effects of the experiment wasn't just my memory loss, it also involved a great deal of temporary blindness. Sometimes all I got were these flashes of light, a blurry picture of what was going on. My condition only got better when middle school started, when things started to stabilize. Only it didn't because even if my senses were getting better, pain drilled unto my head and the rest of my body, as if it was energy that made my senses sharper and my body stronger.

But then the pain wasn't just physical. Everyday I was beating myself up with words, convincing myself that even if this experiment was to keep my life, I lost my actual reason to live it.

I didn't understand if it was all in my head. Or maybe it was the chemicals messing with my brain.

But whatever it was, it wanted me to end everything.

I was too much of a freak, a monster, an experiment.

And it came to the point wherein I couldn't take it.

I made a drastic mistake when it was summer of our 1st year in middle school.

After another session, of god know's what's it even for, I lost my mind. Because of my breakdown and rampage in the lab, they decided to isolate me in an open space roof-top in order to calm me down; I hurt so many people, enough to cause a trauma, but not enough to kill them. I was just so out of it that I even jumped out of the building, only that proved to be such an irreversible dumb move, because I wouldn't have done it if my brother was going to be involved. I wouldn't have done it if I knew Haru was going to shield me, as we fell from such a height.

When I woke up bandaged up in the hospital; the first thing I felt was numbness. And then I thought about what happened, never able to fully recall it.

Funny how I never really remembered what happens during my out breaks. Because honestly, even if I knew, I would have killed myself just to forget them, to erase them.

But one thing was for sure. It was that day that I heard the words I never wanted to hear my entire life.

'He might not wake up'

✖︎●✖︎

Midway, through the experiment, the sudden burst of pain, helped me escape the lab.

I actually managed to unbind myself of those cuffs that bound me unto the table. And soon after, I ran out using my regular old escape route.

One thing was for sure. I had to get out of there. I had to get away from people. People I could hurt and people who could hurt me.

That said, the only safe option was hiding into the mountain in school, hoping nobody would get to find me. Not my classmates and most definitely not that octopus.

With that, I vaguely recalled the memory of talking to a boy I bumped into back then. His hair was a warm color. I couldn't pinpoint whether or red or orange, but it was somewhere along the line. I couldn't see him (because of the state of my eyes), couldn't tell who he really was, but his words meant more to me than just anyone.

"Freak or not, you're a person. And I really like being with you. I don't waste my time with people who aren't worthwhile, and I assure you, you're otherwise".

The moon shown above me as the leaves rustled, wondering how bad this'll go.