Essay Stories

China✈London✈Singapore

Please watch the video(and read the lyrics) before continuing. If you hate Kpop like that dear 'friend' of mine, then pls take a moment and think twice (kpop fans shld get the ref) before saying it. Give it a try, you won't know w/o trying. Pardon the swearing in this song tho.
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"Mum, why does aunty stay in London while we stay in Singapore even though both of you were born in China? Gong Gong and Po Po are still living there so why did you move?" I had asked my mum that question many times. The first time was when I was still 6, while we were on the way to visit my aunt and her family in London. I always thought that my mum and my aunt were not being filial, leaving their parents alone back in China while they moved abroad to settle. Ever since then, I would ask her the same question whenever we visit my grandparents in China. I had found it hard to communicate with them especially since they did not speak English and I didn't understand Cantonese nor Hainanese which they tend to mix while speaking. I wanted to spend more time with them and my cousins but because we live far away, we hardly had any time together.

After school, on a friday in 2009, i went back home to a surprise. My grandparents came to Singapore! Being a 8 year old primary 2 student, I thought they were going to stay with us from then on but to my disappointment, they were only staying for a month. That's still better than nothing. That was what I had told myself. At least I get to see them for a month instead of the one week visits that I make during school holidays. However, that one month was not as pleasant as I had expected it to be. My father lost his job and started blaming it all on my mum and my grandparents, saying that they look down on him and that he's poor and incapable so he 'quit his job in order to satisfy them'. He started to pick on everything we do and blame it on my mum and my grandparents, causing them to be very upset and leaving earlier than the planned one month. Everything we'd do he would find something wrong with it and would say something along the line of "So you wanna learn from that China mother of yours and your Gong Gong Po Po who looks down on me? If they are so capable why not ask your mother to find a rich Chinaman and marry him instead?" I didn't really understand what he meant then, for I was still 8 years old. I asked my then 13 year old brother what my father meant but he told me that I'm still a kid so it doesn't matter if i didn't understand.

Years went on as he continued to lose job after job. The number of times we went to visit my grandparents in China and my aunt in London had decreased for he would make a big fuss whenever we did and with the increasing demand from school. My friends in school would always talk about their trip overseas when school reopens after a holiday some even talk about how their parents have never slapped them or beat them before. While I would sit there quietly listening to their stories and hoping that it was same case for me. It could just be a normal school day and i would get home happily but the next thing I know, I would be thrown out of the house after being beaten. Up 'til now, i still don't know why that happened. It happens the second I step into the house, without any explanation. For that, I had hated my family. My grades kept dropping as I wouldn't be able to concentrate on studying at home, with all the shouting whatsoever happening. Every time my parents argued, he would always bring in my grandparents and sometimes even start scolding the whole of China.

When i was in pri 5, my mum decided to bring me and my sister to the library to study as it was an important year for my sister who was in pri 6. It became a habit, as we would go to the library every weekend until PSLE was over for me. Basically, it happened for over 2years.That year, my aunt paid for our trip to London to stay with them for a few weeks after my PSLE was over. I was really excited to meet my cousins whom I haven't met in a long time and it also meant that I would be away from my father who did not go. I even missed my pri school graduation day for it but it was worth it after all. However, when it was time to choose schools, my parents argued again.

2 years and a few months ago, i went to my new school. My parents argued everyday, over the school fees and the choice of school. My father was a taxi driver then but he was sleeping at home everyday. He complained about losing money and once again blamed it on my grandparents and even the foreign workers. That year, Po Po was found to have breast cancer and my mum and my aunt had to rush to China to take care of her for over a month. I dreaded going home during that period. Everyday would be the same cycle. School, home, beaten up, thrown out. I wasn't able to do my homework or study at all. My classmates found out and some were supportive of me while others despised me, knowing that I was not rich or anything but in fact had such a family. To make things worse, some of those who looked down on me are still in the same class as me after 3years coming to 4, even having to sit next to one of them for an entire term. I thought that after my mum come back, things would get better but it was worse. My mum had also started scolding us for everything we did as well. Whenever we were to study, they would scold, read, scold, sleep, scold, shower, scold, eat, scold. It happens everyday and my results started to drop and i stopped handing in homework on time. I had no time to do my homework. After school, i'd go home and by the time i finished showering, it's dinner time and after dinner, i'd have to housework. I'd usually end up sleeping at around 3am yet would be the first to wake up at 5am. If I were to oversleep, all the blame would be on me for not waking them up and making everyone late and the whole cycle of scolding my grandparents happens again.

These past 2 years, my mum started to bring me and my sister back to China every long holiday if we didn't have any competition or classes during that period. It was good to see my grandparents healthy but my father would still scold them. The rare chance where my father actually willingly came along during last year's Chinese New Year was also messed up when he decided to start scolding them again on the last day of the 3 day stay. However, as time goes, I now understand why my grandparents were willing to let them go and stay abroad, far away from them and to get scolded by their son-in-law and why would my mum and aunt move abroad instead of staying in China, by their side and take care of them. They had wanted the best for us, hoping that we would have better education and lifestyle, but they did not expect my father to have a change in attitude. It made me understand one thing, the more people expect it from you, the more you wouldn't want it to happen.