so anyway, this is my ejournal.
cause I'm quite a deep person, so i've been told (lol) and writing my thoughts to strangers is easier, than to my mamma or my friends, (: so here goes nothing..
AND TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT THIS IS IN NOO WAY A DIARY (: cause there for losers. no offense (:
2nd February 2010.
so, this time last year, i had a boyfriend... and yes, i loved him, and i have to say this to him, but i just can't you know, you can't just love somebody one minute and not the next, either love is eternal or it was never there at all. And i know he'll never forgive me, cause i was a bitch, but for some reason, i can't forget about him? it's weird, every love song i hear, sends me into a pit of sorrow! especially when I'm on facebook, and i see him and his new girlfriend being all lovey dovey. it actually makes me want to hurl. :/ so yeah, the worst part, i refuse to believe that loving him, was ever a waste of time, cause it wasn't boy, i had some of the best times with him! and i still have the piece of paper he gave me when he first said i love you. god... i sound like a love sick teenager AAHHH. but yeah, i still have the bracelet he bought my that says, i love you, in egyptian. (: so yeah, i have to say it i'm hooked.
umm... so i was reading this book, called before i die.. seriously read it, it's rather amazing, and it made me think, how people who are followers, setters, makers, all the people in the world, that people mocks for being a nerd, or a slut, or whatever you want to label them as (may i add labels are for tins not people?) are just living there lives how they want too, i mean this girl has cancer or something, and she has so long to live, so she makes a list of things she wants to do before she dies, and it made me think how, you shouldn't judge how people live, cause if we do live all but once, you should do it how you want, not how people want you to do it? don't be put down by peoples opinions, just take them as peoples view on your life, you have your view on there's 9 times out of 10, your life's probably better than there's.
and with this i leave you, for another few days probably until i feel i need to vent about how crappy my life is... it'll probably be on valentines day when i start moping again (: but oh well, (:
Being vulnerable doesn't have to be threatening. Just have the courage to be sincere, open and honest. This opens the door to deeper communication all around. It creates self-empowerment and the kind of connections with others we all want in life. Speaking from the heart frees us from the secrets that burden us. These secrets are what make us sick or fearful. Speaking truth helps you get clarity on your real heart directives.
-- Sara Paddison
Beth x
