"I'm glad yous came" Becky chuckled
We were having a kinda party at my in my apartment, her idea
"I miss yous" bondy said smiling looking at me
"Well us or her?" Becky joked smiling
I rolled my eyes playfully and walked towards the couch
I didn't see van though, kinda didn't want to
"Good evening love" I heard a voice behind me say I turned around seeing Steve
"Oi oi, ya late!" I joked hugging him
"Sorry darling" he chuckled
"So you saw him?" He asked
I shook my head feeling weird
"No- no i haven't" I whispered he nodded
I stood against the kitchen counter looking at van who was staring at me the whole night
"You should talk to him" Steve said
I shook my head "he should come over here if he wants to talk" I said with an eyebrow raised
Steve sighed and poured himself another beer
"You women are so complicated you know"
"Aren't man-" I started but saw van coming over "can we talk, Lexi?" He asked me
Steve walked over to Becky avoiding being in the situation "depends, will it matter?" I asked
He took my hand and leading me to my room
"We haven't spoken in ages" he said looking at me "you blame me then?" I asked
"No Lexi i don't blame anyone but Christ, i've missed you" he said
I swallowed looking at the ground
"Why didn't you call then?" I whispered
He sighed "you know i wanted to but forgot about the time and that-" he started but i cut him off but standing up and opening the door
"Don't walk away Lexi" he sighed
"Why should i stay here talking to you?"
"I just want to make things right."
"Well van, go on then" I said
"What have you been doing?" He asked after a horrible silence
I looked at him with a blank expression
"Gettin' over you" i said
He knitted his eyebrows together and walked closer to me "you t-" he started "yeah, can't help it now can i? You haven't talked to me or called me in four months and i just waited, every fuckin' day for you to just phone or message me!" I said raising my voice
"I never meant for it to get this-" he started but ones again i cut him off
"You didn't mean to do anything, i definitely get that hint now" i laughed sarcastically
I was drunk but van didn't know or see and i meant it, i walked out of my bedroom
"Time to go home!" I yelled
The crowd of people eventually left leaving me Becky bondy Bob benji and his girlfriend Dani, Larry and van alone.
"I'm going home I'll see you tomorrow yeah?" Becky said hugging me "take care love" I whispered "me and Dani are going to the hotel thanks for having us" benji said with a friendly smile Dani smiled at me and walked out of the door with benji Becky and Bob
"I'm going to the the hotel as well" bondy said "thank you for having us here goodnight" Larry said i nodded
I looked at van when everyone left
"Why aren't you going to the hotel with 'em?" I asked him being absolutely tired
"Cause i don't want to wast time"
I knitted my eyebrows together
"What you mean you don't-"
"Lexi, i don't wanna argue about stupid shit i just want you and i know i fucked things up but let me prove you how i really am yeah?" He asked
I sighed closing my eyes for a second
"Van I'm not up for this you know? I'm just trying to get my life together and figuring out what i want and i can't let you mess me up" i said looking at him "you don't want me in your life then?" He asked coming closer
"I didn't say that i just want you to tell me what you want, you want me in your life? Good, show me, you just want to play these fucking games? Fine feck off then." I said pointing at the door as he stood a few centimeters away from me
"I'd love to stay" he whispered leaning in
"I hope you mean that" i whispered swallowing
He kissed my lips but i pulled away
He looked at me confused "it's very easy to kiss someone knowing your gone the next morning you know? It isn't like that for me i actually-"
"I love you Lexi, and you don't know how much you fucking mess me up when you tell me i don't care about you cause i do it's just completed cause I'm never home and you know that!" He said raising his voice
"You don't even show afford van! You just tell me you love me, kiss me and don't call me when I'm most in need of it!" I said
He shook his head
"We can figure this out now can we? We just have to stupid denying and acting like kids" he said calmly
I swallowed "van, I'm not even sure if i want this" I lied "what d'you mean?" He asked
"I don't seem to trust you"
He nodded and turned around
I closed my eyes hearing the door closing
He left.
-
"So he just left?" Steve asked
I took a sip of my coffee and nodded
Steve shook his head "I don't understand" he said "it's just- we're complicated no one understands" i said "if he loved you, he'll come 'round, love" he said putting a hand on my cheek smiling
"I hope so" i whispered "Oi Oi!" I heard behind me i looked over my shoulder and saw Larry "good morning" i said with a small smile
"Don't think i met you, I'm Larry mate" Larry said shaking Steve's hand "Oi oi mate nice meeting ya' I'm Steve" he said with a friendly smile
"I'll call you later Lexi, I have something to tell yeah? Enjoy yous morning coffee" Larry said smiling "that's fine" I whispered nodding
I looked at Steve "is that van's mate?" He asked "yes, why?" I asked "saw him at the party last night, didn't talk with him much" he said i nodded "I gotta run becky's coming over in a bit, I'll see you soon bye Steve" I said hugging him "take care" be whispered
I walked out of the coffee bar and took a taxi home even though it was 5 minutes walking
I got home and saw becky standing in front of my door "I'm sorry I'm a bit late" I said "no worries" she chuckled
I opened the door for us and sat down
"You tired?" She asked i nodded pulling off my jacket "yes? Why?" I asked
"Mate, what's up? Your stressed i don't like this" she said i looked at her
"I can't fuckin' hold this anymore" I sighed
She frowned sitting next to me
"What?" She asked "I love van alright? And it drives me mad" i said she knitted her eyebrows together "why? Me and Bob work out perfectly" she whispered looking at her hands
I gave her the 'are you serious' look
"You fuckin' taking of piss of me? You were trowing up in your bathroom around five in the morning wondering why he wouldn't call you and why you were so stupid, i fucking help-"
"Lexi, please don't do this, we're okay now"
"Yeah, but for how long?" I asked
"now your just being a total twat towards me"
I sighed
"I'm sorry, your right"
- three days later
I heard a knock on my door at 3 am
I opened my eyes and stood up
I grabbed an oversized shirt that was laying around the room and walked towards the door.
I opened the door seeing van.
"You have such bad timings like three am?" I whispered sleepy rubbing my eyes
"I wanted to ask you something"
I nodded and looked at him
"Do you love me?" He asked
I closed my eyes for a moment
"You know i do" I whispered opening my eyes again he sighed and asked me if he could come in.
"You want something to drink?" I asked walking into the kitchen "tea please if you don't mind" he said sitting down in the living room
"Yeah that's fine" i whispered making some tea
I closed my eyes realizing i was fucking up my life, i drank too much last night
Haven't been to work in three days and got into an argument with Steve.
I walked back into the living room with two cups of tea in my hand and shot him a weak smile "thank you, love" he whispered when i handed him a warm cup of tea "no worries" i said sitting down on my favorite spot on the couch "so, what have you been doing?" He asked looking at me, i looked outside
"Fuckin' up my life i suppose" i chuckled
"Why's that?" He asked "I had my dream job, got paid for it really well and i haven't shown myself for three days, i didn't call nor messaged them and they're very strict so i can say i have been fired when i come 'round again, i also had a argument with me best mate yesterday about my so said drinking problems, fucking bullshit of course, and i have been drinking as i said" i sighed van walked over to me and sat down next to me i looked at him with tired eyes
I couldn't help it, i burst into tears
He hugged me and i finally realized how much i needed him to be here, with me.
"It's alright love, I'm gonna help you" he whispered, i knew van would be gone soon but i just couldn't talk not think about that
"I'm so sorry van, i fucked it up, you and me and-" I started "sssst, no you didn't it was my fault don't blame yourself, love" he said putting his arms around me even tighter
"Van?" I asked pulling away from the hug after minutes "yes, darling?" He asked "could you stay for the night? please?" I asked him
"of course if that's what you want" he whispered softly
- van's pov
Christ, of course i wanted to say.
I lead her to her room and lay her down on the bed. "Thank you for everything" she whispered looking at the ceiling "whenever you need me" i said softly laying next to her.
She crawled into my chest and i closed my eyes "can't we say like this forever?" She whispered
"If only we could" i sighed putting the lights off "your not leaving again right? Not like the last time?" she whispered with her eyes shot
"I wouldn't leave you Lexi, i realized i love you, i honestly do and i never loved someone as much as i love you so, Christ mate this is fucking cheesy as hell but- just, know that i ain't gonna leave like that ever again" I whispered, i really meant it.
"That's all I'm asking for"
"Your all I'm asking for"
-
Thank you for reading!
I miss some of yous comments :(
Goodnight X
