You know the moment when reality sets in and you start to think about your life. You aren't going to just die in your sleep like you want to. You have to get up. You have to fake a smile. Then you start to realize then the past 4 years of your life really happened. You are so miserable that you attempt suicide 3 times. That you cut yourself. That you are letting your grades slip to the point of no hope. That you lay in bed and just think about everything that's going wrong in your life and you just wish you could stop everything. That you could leave, walk away like nothing happened. God says "Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world the love of the father is not in him." I don't know what his plan is for me but right now I don't honestly care. I. Want. To. Die. I've never actually said that, I've always said I don't want to be here anymore but I have fucked my life over so much that there really is no point. I want to drink and smoke and just live my way with out cares or worry. I can't and I hate myself for the things I've done. I can't go yet because I don't know my final good byes, maybe in a little. I will see you in hell.
