Being hurt

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"Get the hell up for school!" My mother yelled, trying to get me up for school. I just put the pillow over my head thinking she would go away trying to block her out of my brain.. "I know you heard me little girl" before I knew it I felt a Burning sensation on my arm, my mom was burning me with her cigarette. just so I can wake up "AHHH WTF I HEARD YOU!". "when I come back in this room you better be ready."

My name is Morgan,I'm 16 and if you can't tell by now I get abused at home. My father had walked out on my mom and left me with her. I have no siblings and no friends so I'm all alone. That's not all, I get bullied at school. by these four boys named ray, roc, prince,and prod.

I got up, made up my bed, and headed to the bathroom to freshen up. I looked at the mirror and an instant tear fell down my cheek. why am I so hated by everyone? Why does the bad things happen to me? I didn't do anything to deserve this. this is a regular routine for me. looking in the mirror, crying, asking myself the same questions.

I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, then got dressed. I decided to put on something comfortable. I don't feel like putting on jeans. I put on my gray baggy sweatpant, my green glow 4's, a green sweatshirt to match my shoes, my brown curly hair out, and my black hat that said "fuck dot" on it. I dress nice, that can be something good about me i think. I grabbed my iPhone 5s and my bookbag. and headed downstairs.

"Where's breakfast?" I asked the woman I call "mom".

"Um wtf I look like. Your hands work. you worthless shit!" she replied. the last part really stung. even though she calls me that any other day but idk this time it really hurt. I guess it's the fact I'm believing that is what I am now. I slammed the door shut and walked to school. Idk what made her like this. when dad was around we were one happy family.

--SCHOOL--

I finally arrive to this hell whole and all eyes are on me. there are eye rolls, shoving. and then I hear the laughter of my bullies. I can't stand them! I did absolutely nothing to any of them. and they take it a pond themselves and bully me the way that they do. last week I had two black eyes. Jammed fingers and bruises all on my legs.

And my mother didn't even bother asking what happen. thanks for bein a mom. 😒

I quickly ran to my locker and tried to head to class. FAIL. as soon as I closed my locker door there stood ray, roc, prince, and prod.

"Hey where do you think your going?" roc said getting closer to me.

"Um- um class" I took a deep swallow and took some steps back.

'RIIINNNGG' the bell rang and the only people that are out in this hallway are the boys and I.

"Why go to class when you can have some fun with us?" prince said grabbing my hand. I quickly pulled my hand back and thought about taking a run for it. Again, like I didn't learn from a couple of minutes ago. as soon as I turned around Ray grabbed me by my hair and slammed me on the floor, instant tears started to fall down my face.

"Did we dismiss you Morgan? I don't think we did." Craig said in a calm mellow voice, while coming down slow to the floor to reach my level.

"Awe your crying man up, you should be use to this by now. but we are gonna be nice and let you go to class. but just wait after school >:)" prince helped me up and pushed me so I can go to class. when I was right outside the door I wiped my tears and entered the class.

Ms. Marie is like my second mother. but I wish she would adopt me and become my mother. I tell her almost everything. I don't tell her about the bullying or the things that go on at home. if that was the case I would've been her daughter a long time ago. but I only tell her how I feel. and the changes I want in my life.

"Morgan can I talk to you for a minute?" Ms. Marie pulled me to the side while the rest of the class was continuing to work.

"I can tell something is going on just by looking in your eyes" Ms. Marie looked right into my eyes. I could tell I can trust her cuz I haven't seen anyone look into my eyes like that since dad left 4 years ago.

"It's nothing. I'm fine" I lied.

" You know you can tell me anything. Morgan anything at all."

" I know, I'll tell you when I feel more comfortable!" I ended the convo and took a seat and started my work, well started writing in my journal anyway.

-journal-

I don't really know how to feel anymore.

I don't know how to love.

I don't know how to trust.

I don't know how to live.

I don't know how to have fun.

I don't know how to be happy.

I don't know how it feels to have someone make me smile.

I don't know how to be free.

I don't know how to be ME.

-------------------

Sad to say I don't know Who I Am Anymore.....but I write everything in this journal. down to the crush I had since 2nd grade all the way till today. I would literally die if this book lands into the wrong hands. I put my journal away and as soon as I zipped up my book bag the dumb fire drill came. I ran out the door and outside of the school to see everybody outside. I saw nothing but flames coming out of the windows and I realized. This is a real fire and I didn't have my journal!. I might sound dumb as hell to run back into a burning building just for a book but that book is my life. there is every memory from when my dad was around in that book. I ran back in the building and saw nothing but flames. i tried finding the class but I could barely see, with all the smoke in my face and practically coughing my life away. I found my class room and my book bag was 3 seconds away from getting burnt to ashes. I ran as quickly as I could, got my journal and was able to make it out alive.

"What is wrong with you!, you could've died" ms Marie looked at me in a way that made me wanna hug her. it really seemed like she cared. I tried to reply but when I opened my mouth the building collapsed. Everyone was still stuck. so I thought it was a perfect chance to run home.

--HOME--

I walked into my house and saw this women and another man sitting on the couch!! I am so mad right now. she made a promise with me saying not one man will step foot in this house unless it was dad. that nigga don't look like my daddy!

"What are you doing here so early?" I didn't even reply I just stared at her. I just wanted to choke the dog shit outta her!

"Oh this is bobby my boyfriend ☺️" then I stared at him.

"Wassup." he looked high as shit he put his hand out for me to shake it. I bent his fingers back, kicked him in his man hood. So now he's on the floor

"Wtf is wrong with you! you piece of shit!" She yelled. I ignored her and I was face to face with her. it's disrespectful to put your hands on your mother but she's not my mother. so on that note I grabbed her by her hair, brought her down to me level, and punched her repeatedly in her face

" you broke your promise! no man was suppose to step foot in this house unless it was dad! Fuck you!" I ran upstairs and started packin idk where I was going but I couldn't stay here much longer. I grabbed everything that reminded me of my dad and all of my clothes. I ran back downstairs

And left them two on the floor. idk where ima go. where do I go from here?

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