Numbness; it does things to me. It does things to my soul that I never imagined it could do. It thickens it, makes it less absorbent. It's nothing like sadness or hatred or even anger for that matter. All of those emotions are laced with passion. It is what I feel after all of that. Everything I ever loved doing and everything I ever loved about myself doesn't seem to matter anymore. And if you are anything like me, you'd know the second worst thing a person can do is stop talking to you. The first is talk too much.
People say a lot of things, and there is nothing in the world that grabs me by my insides and climbs into my brain like words do. The silence always comes afterwards, but even then my mind doesn't stop chatting away to me. People, they know how to break your heart, even if you don't mean for them to. Their lips do this thing and their mouths do another.
I met a boy and he said things to me. He bit his way into my skin, freed my tongue of the secrets it kept. They ran wild out of mouth, one after the other, even when I meant for them to stop. Some people can do that to you. They drown themselves in a potion they call love, and I think it's real because it's a drink that makes their words sound like magic I've never encountered before; magic that sounds like this:
"Tell me more, I love you, I trust you, you trust me, I miss you, I need you, I love you, I love you, I love you."
I spoke too much; I told too much, I talked too much. I let myself escape free into our little atmosphere and he took all the parts of me that made me feel. He stole the first laugh after a shaking moment and the burning scent of all the innocence I had left. He took parts of me no one will ever know again. And when he said he was leaving I didn't believe him because somewhere in on the surface of my head his voice kept repeating all those times he said he never would. But people say a lot of things when they are in love.
Sadness, hatred and anger are things I wish I never had to feel when I tried to regain the senses of what I was. I felt the last of them left in me exhale into a scream so loud because my words were jumbled and I couldn't think of anything else to say in the silence that fell so heavy outside my mind. When people leave, their voices go with them. All you will ever have left are the echoes of things you don't want to hear. They float and flow through the narrow spaces in your mind until those echoes fade out too. When they're done with you the numbness left behind caresses your soul in the foulest way.
The third worst thing a person can do is touch. Sometimes you let people touch you. Instead of talking they kiss you, and know you in the only way left with the fingertips of their hands. He doesn't ask as much, he doesn't want to know as much. I let him burn holes into my bones because I am already numb and there is nothing left in me to care enough to feel anyway.
