Return to Me

Seven

Running back to the house, I hear Emily and a few other people call after me, but I don't stop. I also hear someone tell Carmen to leave. I think it's Emily.

I slam and lock the door behind me and that's when the tears escape. I rest my head back against the door and just let them fall.

Mom and Dad hear the commotion and come running out. They try to talk to me, but I just take off my winter gear, kicking off my boots and mumble to them that it's nothing before heading straight for my room.

Once up there, I draw the curtains of the balcony door closed, but my window is still cracked open and I can hear faint voices, unable to make out who is talking or what they are saying.

I do hear a car screech away and I know that Carmen has gone. Good. The dumb bitch. I shouldn't have opened my mouth; shouldn't have acknowledged her, but I did. And I feel like an idiot.

It's well after midnight when I decide to leave my bed. I've been trying to sleep for hours--tossing and turning, but it doesn't come.

You'd think after all the excitement of the day, I'd be passed out. I guess I was wrong.

I make my way to the living room, and when I get there I see I'm not alone. Jeremy sits on the couch, a mug in his hand, staring at the fire roaring in the fireplace. It's dark and the only light of the fire illuminates the room.

Quietly, I make my way over and take a seat next to my brother. He turns his head slightly and smiles at me before returning his attention to the dancing flames.

"Couldn't sleep?" I ask looking at him.

"No. I take it you couldn't either?"

I just shake my head and let out a sigh. "Feels kinda weird being back here, don't you think?" I wonder taking a moment to look around at the place I once called home.

"It does in a way, but it's been less of a home to me than it has to you." he replies looking around too, then stopping to look at me.

"I guess, but I've always loved Chicago."

He nods and takes a drink from his mug. "Why didn't you tell me Jack lives in your building?"

I shrug. "I didn't know until a little bit ago, when we ran into each other on the roof."

We sit in silence for a few minutes. Something else seems to be on Jeremy's mind, that he's not talking about, but I don't pry.

"Did you know he was moving to Chicago?" I ask looking for some kind of reaction from him. I know they still keep in touch.

He scratches his head. "He told me maybe, a month and a half ago. But I didn't say anything about you living there, if you're wondering."

"I know you didn't." he looks at me as if expecting a different answer. "I figured it out when I ran into him a few weeks ago. He was so shocked to see me...and then when we ran into each other again that night on the roof...he told me he never would have moved if he knew." I look down at my hands. The words still stung, but not as much as they did.

"Ouch. I didn't know he was still that upset with you." he comments and I just chuckle. I don't know if there's anything for me to say. Defending myself is pointless, even though I can't anyways, and the more people talk about it, the more I want to tell the truth.

I decide to change the subject. "Did someone tell you that I slapped Carmen Rupert right across the face?"

Jeremy laughs then, which makes me smile. 

"Jack actually told me, but he hasn't a clue as to why."

"She made a comment about me leaving...Jack...saying how thankful she was that I did."

"What a bitch."

"Yeah, but she deserved it for more than just that. It actually felt kind of good."

"But you ran off after that, crying." he comments simply, subtly asking as to why, if it felt so good to give Carmen a taste of her own medicine.

"It hurt. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about what I did all those years ago and I just feel so guilty about it."

Jeremy gets up from the couch then, and I start to wonder what I did wrong, but he comes back a few moments later with a couple of beers. He hands me one and I immediately take a drink, knowing I probably shouldn't but at the same time not caring. Jeremy follows suit and takes a swig of his own.

"Do you love Sam?" he suddenly asks after a few minutes.

"Of course I love Sam." how could he ask such a question? Sam makes me very happy.

"But do you love him as much as you loved Jack?" where is this coming from?

He patiently waits for my answer as he takes another drink.

Do I love Sam the same way I loved Jack? We've only been together for a few months, how could I possibly know if I really love him?

My hesitation seems to tip him off. "You don't know, do you?"

"Sam and I have only been together for a few months."

"It's okay that you don't know, Rosie." he pauses to look at me and grasps my hand with his own. "But you should figure it out if there's even a chance that you won't."

Where on earth is this coming from? 

"What are you trying to say, Jeremy? That you think I made a mistake?"

"Yes, I do."

I stand up and away from him. "Jer! I thought we talked about this! I thought you understood." I'm beginning to raise my voice and I have to be careful to not wake anyone else up.

"Understand what, Rosie? You haven't really told me anything to understand!"

"I thought you were on my side. That you were going to support me!"

"Jack is also my friend! You have to tell me what happened if you want me to understand."

"So then you can, what, go off and tell Jack?" I set my beer down and start to pace. Everything feels like it's starting to fall apart.

"Rosie, you know I wouldn't do that unless I thought I had to." And that's exactly what he would do. I already know it. I was sworn to secrecy and if I were to tell Jeremy, he'd want to tell Jack everything. 

He waits for me to say something, but what do I say? I continue to pace, so I just say that only thing that I can say.

"I can't, Jer."

"Why not?"

I sigh, running my hands through my hair and the thought of pulling it out crosses my mind. "I'm sworn to secrecy. I can't tell you."

At this, he says nothing. He just stares at me, emotionless and for the life of me I wish I knew what he was thinking. Finally, after what feels like years, he opens his mouth to respond. "Then I'll be sworn to secrecy too."

What?

"Jer, if I tell you, you can't speak a word of it to anyone. I mean it."

He just nods. "I understand. Now, tell me everything."

I look at him for a moment to see if he might be lying. But he looks serious. So, I nod and I tell him. I tell him everything.

(Hey guys, so here's chapter seven! Sorry this is not the best chapter, but I hope you all enjoyed it anyway! And like always, please vote, comment and even add to your reading list if you like! Have a good night!)