Love, Please Don't Break Me

1. My Everyday Fairytale

I gasped as I woke up from my nightmare. Slightly cursing myself, I got up from my bed rubbing my eyes. This is the fourth time I had this sort of dream with this mystery man.

One night we were making hot passionate love when he all of a sudden pushed me off the side of a bridge plunging me to my ultimate death. Did I wake up right before I hit the ground in cold sweat screaming my head off? Hell yeah! Regardless, I didn't think much of my dreams. Why should I? They're just stupid dreams anyways.

I glanced at the clock seeing that it read the time of 8:24. In a few minutes my father will be walking right through my bedroom door demanding me to get up for church. Him being the pastor of the church, New Faith in Christian Life Center, makes him very religious and in under any circumstances would he ever allow me to miss church.

Grabbing the towel, I headed towards the bathroom across the hall to take a shower. As I let the warm steamy water fall and melt on my skin, I let my thoughts wonder.

When did these dreams began? What do they mean? Do they even mean anything at all? My father always told me that every dream has a meaning. And then he'll go on and on about Joseph and his dreams and crazy brothers and blah blah blah. Whatever. I don't really give a damn in the world for all of that. Do I believe in a higher being? Sure, but all that thy shall not steal, thy shall love thy neighbor as you love yourself honestly takes a backseat in my life.

By the time service started I was ready for it to be over. I watched from the very first seat as Daddy sang "What a Friend We Have in Jesus". The chords and melodies of the piano accentuated his raspy singing voice. Hearing him sing this song bring me back to some memories.

I was seven years old. Me, Mommy, and Daddy were on our way home from the usual Sunday service. As usual, Daddy was going on and on about the service and the congregation. His booming voice was the only thing heard inside the car. Mommy and I didn't mind though. We knew it was comforting for him to speak about this day.

"What are we having this Sunday brunch dear?" he turned and eventually asked my mom.

"I'm sorry John, I overslept this morning and didn't even have time to cook anything." My mom face seem sincerely apologetic.

It was then when I noticed how much the colon cancer have taken affect on her. Her face was aged with a few wrinkles around her eyes and mouth. Her usual bright hazel eyes were dull and seemed distant. I knew she was suffering and was in pain most of the time, but she always tried to hide it from me.

"That's okay, I know your tired." My dad said as he patted her hand with his right. "How about we go out to eat this Sunday? It's been a while."

"Sure, what would you like sugarplump?" my mom asked turning around and looking back at me.

"McDonalds!" I cheesed with me two front teeth missing.

"Sounds good" my dad chuckled. "Is that okay with you dear?"

"Yes, but I won't be eating anything. Fast food just irritates the colon even worse."

"Okay, we're the nearest McDonalds?"

"You just past it. Make a U-Turn the next chance you get."

I watched from the backseat as the conversation took place. My dad put his left signal on and got ready to make the turn. Unfortunately, there was traffic so we was sitting there for a while. Cars started to line up behind us as if we were all heading to a burial ceremony.

BEEP BEEP, BEEEEEEEP!

The cars wouldn't stop honking at us and their honking soon sounded like an orchestra of trumpets playing an upbeat song. Of course, this only just irritated my father even worse.

"God dammit!" he barked slamming his fist on the steering wheel. "What do they want me to do? Crash into traffic?"

Just then my dad saw a small opportunity and went for it. The car lurched forward and my father began aggressively turning the wheel.

"JOHN, NOO!" My mother screamed just as my dad was in the middle of the turn. Her eyes went wide just as an 18 wheeler truck speed toward her side of the car.

My eyes began to water as I came back to reality. My dad was wrapping up the hymn and I couldn't help but smile as tears flowed down my face. I was proud of Daddy. He took his job as a pastor to heart and was so passionate. Even after Mommy's death, he tried his best to keep our bond strong. But sometimes he would just be too busy with his pastoral duties to listen and share stories like old times.

He was never the one to judge and took everything I had to say into consideration. I appreciated his effort and love him dearly. Which is why I know I could never tell him the secret that has been tugging at my hear for 4 years. Doing so will only tear his heart apart.

Daddy finished introducing the newest members of our church and began to go on with his sermon.

"Let's open our bibles to 1st Timothy... Chapter 4 vs 12" my father spoke into the microphone in those loud raspy voice. Many people say my father remind them of the famous TD Jakes, and I'm not surprised.

"And it reads... Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. Amen."

There was a symphony of amens within the sanctuary as everyone looked up from their bibles.

"Young people, I am speaking to you today. And the subject of this message, or the question for today is... Young people are you living by example? Young people! Are you LIVING by example? Cause you see according to Paul... These 5 things are the foundation in which you guys should be living on. Speech. Conduct. Love. Faith. And Purity.

Now in the first part of the verse it says 'Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young' and I'll be the first to admit that there are some, adults who do just that. They look down upon children of this generation. But can you blame us? Young people can you blame us?!"

Of course by this time, Daddy had almost have the church shouting Amens, clapping, standing on their feet and encouraging my father to continue on. This was obviously one of the church elders' favorite subject.

"Young people can you blame your parents for not allowing you to adventure out? I mean... how can we? You see young people... we as adults, we as your parents, we as your spiritual advisors.... Cannot release you and stop looking down upon you if you are not living by example! Speech. Conduct. Love. Faith. And Purity. Once you begin to show us that are you following and living by these five principles, maybe then we can "stop treating like a child". And I can tell yall right now, most of yall are not following alllll of these five principles. Either you're lacking in one or two of the areas or you just fail completely and lack in every aspect of these principles.

Speech. Hmph. One of the biggest ones. I'm glad its first. Yall can't be saying yall believers in Christ and leading by example if yall just cursing everywhere! Control your tongue! Control it!! Be slow to speak and quick to listen. There is a reason why we are asked not to speak so quickly. See our mouth is a weapon. Its like a gun... and your words is like its bullets. Every hateful words that you utter is like a murder charge."

Again, more cheers of Amens. My father continued on with his sermon and I grew more and more uncomfortable especially as he came down to the fifth and final principle.

"Purity!" He said. "Now being in this age and generation, when one hears the word 'purity' they automatically think of sexual purity. To young folks nowadays, purity simply means 'not having sex'. But according to the Merraim Webster Dictionary, purity means 'the state or quality of being pure'. It even goes on and says 'lack of guilt or evil thoughts'. Therefore eve one's own thoughts can cause them to be unpure. Purity means.. Not thinking of sexual things. Purity means... not doing sexual things. Purity means... not following into these worldly things such as homosexuality! But that's a whole different story!"

Amens ranged out the sanctuary. Up until his final word of his sermon......