in my mind, everything is fuzzier, without you. that's why i try so hard to see you in other places. because i love you and it seems like i can't stop, no matter how much you hurt me because i get dizzy when you smile at me, it lights up my world, and i can't imagine you smiling that smile for anyone else.
i'm so jealous, i love it when you say hello to me, when we pass each other in the hallways and you wave, even if i know i can't have you because i won't ever be pure enough to see into your beautiful mind.
you are like this addiction that i have and i'm greedy when it comes to you, i want all of you, even the broken parts, the parts you think are ugly and horrible, because those parts hold the essence of you, the fact you're insecure about the way you look when you smile but around me you can't seem to care, but at the same time you care too much.
but you are with someone else, and they fill your soul like you do for me and i can't help thinking that if i could make you see how much i loved you by showing you my heart and how it beats for you, although it's beaten down and bruised from the times you would hurt me, it still is yours.
but that one day you didn't smile anymore and they had broken you and you dropped out and started drinking instead of laughing, smoking instead of breathing and all at once you were emptier than i ever have been and i never got to see your smile again, just the black car as it took you away from me in the pouring rain which was mixing with my own tears, and the only sound i could hear was my own heart finally, painfully, cracking open in the silence of the muddy road. and all at once the fuzziness came back and now it's all i can see.
