I May or May Not Have an Evil Plan

I May or May Not Have Abducted Three Cats

Normalstar: Clan meeting! Clan meeting, everyone!

Missingfur: What? No! I'm supposed to do the introduction to my show now! I had everything set up.

Normalstar briefly glances towards Missingfur's stage at the edge of camp, highlighted by twenty spotlights, which is about nineteen more spotlights than are actually necessary. 

Normalstar: Right, well, it can wait. It's come to my attention that out of the nine cats currently in our Clan, only two are female, and one is very questionably male.

Rainbownose: Maybe I'm gender fluid.

Normalstar: You're a tom.

Rainbownose: I am? Wow, that explains a lot.

Normalstar: Also, the Tribe of No Don't Touch That it's Lethal is apparently entirely male. I'm not actually sure how their Clan is continuing to grow.

Dave Who is Cool: The kits kind of just show up. We don't know where they come from.

Normalstar: How did you get into our camp?

Dave Who is Cool: No it's fine as long as they don't explode

Normalstar: What

Dave Who is Cool: Sometimes they explode

Normalstar: 

Dave Who is Cool: 

Normalstar:

Dave Who is Cool: They're radioactive

Normalstar: Alright, anyway, I had Rainbownose go out on a mission to find more she-cats to join our Clan. 

Rainbownose: So that we can ship them!

Normalstar: That's... that's not why.

Missingfur leans towards Velvetpaw, who is busy doing something on her iPaw 9s. 

Missingfur: This is fantastic! None of those cats know who I am, I could easily convince them to help out with my evil plans.

Velvetpaw ignores him entirely, and Missingfur's head snaps up as Normalstar nods to Rainbownose, who promptly disappears through the camp entrance. Only a couple of seconds later, he skips back into camp, leading three cats behind him.

Flamepaw: *Yells* MISSINGFUR'S ACTUALLY EVEIL STAY AWAY FROM HI-

Velvetpaw tackles Flamepaw to the ground, clamping a paw down over his mouth.

Missingfur: *Laughs awkwardly* I'm sorry, what he meant to say was I'm not evil and you should stay as close to me as possible and do whatever I say.

Tinypaw: Sounds legit!

Normalstar: Everyone, this is Tinypaw. Tallshadow's going to be her mentor.

Flamepaw: *Shoves Velvetpaw off* Tallshadow's my mentor.

Normalstar: Really? That makes sense actually, he's the only cat in this entire Clan who received decent training. Okay, Tinypaw, you're mentor will be - what are your names again?

Normalstar looks down at the remaining two she-cats expectantly.

Rapidstream: I'm Rapidstream.

Gentleflight: I'm-

Rapidstream: That's Gentleflight.

Gentleflight: *Sighs quietly* Yes, and I would like-

Rapidstream: For me to be Tinypaw's mentor.

Gentleflight: I don't-

Rapidstream: Yes you do.

Gentleflight: Okay .-.

Normalstar: Alright, sounds good. Rapidstream, you're Tinypaw's mentor, Gentleflight, you're a complete pushover, and Dave Who is Cool, please leave my camp and stop stealing bagels.

Dave Who is Cool: *Stuffing bagels into a backpack* NO

Normalstar: Take him out.

Rainbownose: *Tackles Dave*

Dave Who is Cool: *Screaming and throwing bagels*

Missingfur: Alright, who's our accomplice going to be?

Velvetpaw: *Holds up chainsaw* Hey Gentleflight, what do you think of this?

Gentleflight: Uhhhhhhhhh...

Rapidstream: Wow is that a chainsaw such as someone with murderous intentions might own?

Velvetpaw: Definitely not. Tinypaw?

Tinypaw: It's super trendy!

Velvetpaw: No.

Missingfur: Tinypaw it is!

Velvetpaw: *Groans*

Just for clarification, Velvetpaw and Grumpyberry were the only she-cats in the Clan up until this point. I'm just as confused as you are.

~Frost